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Originally Posted by mixedmedia
I tend to fall on the side of Manic_Skafe and Ustwo on this issue.
It would seem as if it's being purported that kids were not engaging in inappropriate sexual activities before the internet and digital cameras. I can assure you, we were.  |
I didn't. I was too afraid of my father's wrath and, well, too ugly any way. But daddy was always in the back of my mind or, sometimes, in the car following me(yes, he really did do that once!)
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Originally Posted by mixedmedia
And no one 'failed me.' There are as many stories out there as there are photographs. Some kids have good parents, some kids don't, some are manipulated into it, some just like it, some do it for boyfriends, some do it for money, some post the pictures themselves, some are posted without their knowledge.
To blame it all on the parents, then one should logically blame every wrong or inappropriate thing that teenagers have ever done on bad parents. Including drinking. Anyone here drink before you were of age? Do you blame your parents? Do you blame your parents for smoking pot? Looking at Hustler magazine? Swearing? Driving fast? Spitting on the sidewalk?
Parents can only reasonably supervise their children so much. And I don't think denying them private internet access, just in case they take nude pictures of themselves, is the answer. In fact, I don't think there is an answer and there never has been.
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My dad had this thought: If I'm going to start drinking, I was going to drink at home and not sneak it, so, at age 12, I had my first beer. A little juice glass half-full to wash down the spaghetti, but it was beer. I was allowed wine on holidays. Did I sneak booze? Yea, once. And again, Daddy's image stayed in my mind, so once was enough.
Today, while picking up my daughter, I noticed her friend walking hand in hand with a boy. This girl comes from an uber-religious family(someone from their church told my daughter, who was visiting that, "God does not approve of that Goth stuff" when noticing her being all in black). I have told my daughter no boyfriends until 16, but dating and hanging out is ok. We both made the comment that this friend will probably be sexually active within a year. I say that to say this: Repression and forbidding things makes them that much more enticing. My dad had porno, Playboys, etc. tucked away but never fully hidden. He had his rules, but he wasn't a total prude(mom was).
Now, we have satellite with Showtime and TMC, which show softcore after 10pm. I'm not going to 'forbid' or put on parental controls for my teenagers, (which would probably get arguments from friends) for the same reason my father didn't hide his porn or booze-overfeeding the curiosity monster.
Now, if I ever found out my daughter posted her nude self anywhere, that'd be a different story for a lot of reasons. But I have tried to raise my kids with two caveats: Earned trust(both ways) and consequence of choices. I absolutely refuse to be talked about in some future psychology session as being 'blamed' for something they chose to do.
