Thank you for your thoughtful post WhoaitsZ.
But really, I don't feel confused.
What I do feel is disillusioned and daunted. The world is a mess (see above) and a long hard slog will lie before me if I am to try and make it better. I suspect that this will be a lonely path and I also suspect that I may lose my convictions and determination along the way - I am just as weak as the next person.
I remember what it was like being a Christian and it had a distinct advantage: the burden was not upon your shoulders but upon God's.
I have replaced christian values with my own moral principles as best I can. The most acceptable so far seems to be utilitarianism. But anyone familiar with utilitarianism will know that one of its greatest weaknesses is that it places near-impossible demands upon the individual. And thinking and feeling this I sometimes yearn for the good old days when the problems of the world could rest on greater shoulders than my own.
NB: This must come across as being quite pretentious. Thinking somehow that the fate of the world rests in my hands. Of course, it doesn't. However under a utilitarian ethic, I must share responsibility for every one of those deaths and periods of suffering. We all must. And that is a disturbing truth to fully comprehend.
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I've been 4thTimeLucky, you've been great. Goodnight and God bless!
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