Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - she virtually cheated on me... how bad is it?

Acetylene · 06-04-2007, 01:39 PM

I did a stupid thing kind of similar to this once. Our marriage counsellor asked us each to write her an email listing 5 things we liked and 5 things we didn't like about each other.

My husband wrote his first and took a long time doing it. I got more and more insecure and finally, after he went to bed, I logged onto his email and read it.

I had reasons (I wanted to be prepared for the discussion tomorrow, I thought we were going to be going over them anyway so it wasn't like I was reading a secret, I was scared I'd get really upset and cry, etc.) but they weren't good enough.

I felt bad about it right away, but I felt even worse when it turned out I'd been wrong--we didn't go over them in the next meeting. So I really HAD violated his privacy, even worse than I thought. And worse yet, I was upset about some of what I'd read, but I couldn't say anything about it because it was MY FAULT that I knew about it.

It was like a vile worm to keep it a secret. I knew I had to tell him eventually but I tried to put it off. Finally I couldn't bear it anymore, especially since I had a feeling he might already know (he's not stupid).

So when I told him I apologized thoroughly. He was gracious and we discussed some of the things I had read that I was upset about. He DID already know and I was SO GLAD I told him. That was a year ago and we have gotten married and are happy.

I posted this very personal story to give you an example of how a real relationship works when someone does something stupid. If I'd tried to keep the secret he could never have trusted me and I could never have felt secure with myself. Now I can work on re-earning the trust I violated and eventually put my trespass behind me.

06-04-2007, 01:39 PM	#103 (permalink)
Acetylene Addict Location: under a rock	I did a stupid thing kind of similar to this once. Our marriage counsellor asked us each to write her an email listing 5 things we liked and 5 things we didn't like about each other. My husband wrote his first and took a long time doing it. I got more and more insecure and finally, after he went to bed, I logged onto his email and read it. I had reasons (I wanted to be prepared for the discussion tomorrow, I thought we were going to be going over them anyway so it wasn't like I was reading a secret, I was scared I'd get really upset and cry, etc.) but they weren't good enough. I felt bad about it right away, but I felt even worse when it turned out I'd been wrong--we didn't go over them in the next meeting. So I really HAD violated his privacy, even worse than I thought. And worse yet, I was upset about some of what I'd read, but I couldn't say anything about it because it was MY FAULT that I knew about it. It was like a vile worm to keep it a secret. I knew I had to tell him eventually but I tried to put it off. Finally I couldn't bear it anymore, especially since I had a feeling he might already know (he's not stupid). So when I told him I apologized thoroughly. He was gracious and we discussed some of the things I had read that I was upset about. He DID already know and I was SO GLAD I told him. That was a year ago and we have gotten married and are happy. I posted this very personal story to give you an example of how a real relationship works when someone does something stupid. If I'd tried to keep the secret he could never have trusted me and I could never have felt secure with myself. Now I can work on re-earning the trust I violated and eventually put my trespass behind me. __________________ There's no justice. There's just us.