pig

well guys, i know one thing i'm going to look into: foreskin perforation and transdermal novacaine application.

look, now maybe you think it's a little perverse to cut jr.'s ding dong up when he's a ripe old 2 days old or so. hey, i get it man. i don't think its a huge deal, but maybe you do. hey, i can roll with that; you just love the little guy. want the best for him.

you want him to able to make that choice for himself, and i suppose that's awful good parenting of you. fair enough. now, i'd hate to have to consciously cut up my dick when i was 7 or 12 or 19...i mean, let's face it. i was a bitch about getting shots until i was at least 20 or so...thus, i have to think that if i wanted a circumcision when i was about 16 (and who are we kidding, i would have. my cut penis is so fly people on the street sometimes think they hear theme music coming from my trousers), well, it would have just been plain old scary.

now, if i could wrap some transdermal novacaine gauze around my old glans, put a little foreskin perferator around the little buddy, one twist; nice and perforated...pull off perforator with quick tear...and voila! all nice and circumsized, less than 5 minutes...maybe i could go for that. you never see the little gizmo do its thing, and a few days later lil buddy is ready to rock.

and i'll tell you another thing; the second i see my parents this weekend i'm clubbing them like a drunken eskimo beats a seal when he's got gambling debts. those fuckers! i knew i didn't want to take out the trash when i was in high school, and now i know why. repressed anger and resentment over the emotional scaring they foisted upon me at that tender age. bunch of fucking psychopaths they are.

seriously.

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You don't love me, you just love my piggy style