match000

Hey all,

Thanks for all your advice. I understand that I am taking a risk if I continue on this.. like Pigglet said, roll the dice, might get fucked, might not. And about the snoopery, I agree: at least without the snoopery, I get more sleep and stop making something out of nothing!

I had a long discussion with my girlfriend yesterday, and we eventually got into a whole lot of talking about the healthiness of our relationship, and the trust issues that we had..

I asked her about her Ex, and she says that she waited 1 year after grade 9 (grade 10), when she had moved away, IM'ing him, calling, etc. to ask why he had broken up with her. He never replied, always signed off AIM when she messaged, and really hurt her.

She just saw him a few times this past December 2006, and although she told me she was happy to see him and they did some happy things together (he picked her up after work, they hung out, watched stars, etc), that she didn't like him as more than a friend. She said she took the chance to confront him about why he basically ignored her after she moved away.. She told me that he had changed alot from who she knew, and he thought the same of her; he wasn't "the guy" that she used to like. She also said that he had hurt her so much that she would not want to give him any chances again anyways..

My counselor said that her being happy with him when they re-met, doesn't mean that she likes him still.. just that some people need to get over their scars and problems by confronting them, and if she could show herself that she could be able to smile again even with him there, that she was truly over that part of her life.. and be able to see him as a friend again.

I've decided to continue, to take it slow and slowly rebuild our trust together. I told her that, and I said its only a start and it would take a lot of effort. But I really care for her and I want to try it..

I know you guys all think she's deceitful.. and if something bad happens again, you guys are probably right.. but for now, I am going to give her another chance, and really trust her... I am *not* going to snoop anymore. My word.

I asked her why she lied again the 2nd time after promising never to lie. She said she didn't like to talk about anything sexual, and even more so anything regarding the previous guy; she admits that he emotionally blackmailed her. He basicaly told her "there's no chance for a relationship without sex". She regrets that part of her life alot, and she lied about anything to do with it b/c she really didn't want to talk about it.. I believe her and will give her the benefit of the doubt..

She told me that she just wants to love someone with all her heart, without being hurt again.. she had told me this before and I believe her. And taht's how I want to love her as well.

Anyways, that's how it is now.. thanks everyone..

EDIT:

PS. Having taken this first step, I feel a much better inner peace. I slept so well yesterday compared to these last few days.. and I don't have that weird urge to spy on her anymore.. because I really believe her and what she told me...