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Originally Posted by fredweena
What will probably happen is that some sap will decide that I didn't know what I was talking about and arrange some service or something.
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Yeah, this is kind of what freaks me out about the whole thing. I mean, short of laying out a step-by-step plan for your own funeral in a strict legal document before your death takes place, I don't see how to ensure that your wishes will be followed to a T. I am sure that parents vs. spouses of dead people argue all the time about the "right" way to bury someone... especially if there was an accident and someone died young. How does that shit get decided, in the end? Especially if the person did not follow any kind of conventional religion (which makes things easier to plan, if they did). Makes me think I ought to call up a lawyer and set this straight while I can!
In any case... I don't know about having a ceremony without a body. I know that when my father died at sea and they never found the body, it was terrible for his whole family and my mother. Funerals are for the living, and I'd like to give my family the closure that they are going to need. To just vanish without a trace... I can't imagine doing that to my mother again, or to my husband. The body is necessary, at least for a day or two.
Weddings and funerals... two of humanity's most celebrated rituals. So I suppose I would want my funeral to be something like our wedding(s). Outdoors, in a pretty place, with some good poetry or excerpts from my favorite books. I want several languages to be spoken, so that everyone can understand something (since I am the only native English speaker in my family). I want music, someone singing a favorite song or two of mine, and maybe an open mic for people to come up and speak if they want. Nothing too formal. Open casket or not... hmm, depends on the way in which I died. But I like the t-shirt and jeans idea, just like the way I usually dress. And yes, I would like some Thai Buddhist monks there, and perhaps an open-minded pastor or priest who won't proselytize. Preferably someone good with interfaith stuff. I wouldn't want it to be a religious funeral, but deeply spiritual, yes. I want people to feel comfortable grieving in whatever way they feel is right. And alcohol for celebrating, DEFINITELY.
And the big question: cremation or burial? I haven't decided on that, yet. I lean towards cremation, but there is also something comforting about leaving a body and marker behind, for the living. I don't know yet. If I was to be burned, I'd have my ashes spread over the plot of land where I grew up, and perhaps drizzled over my other favorite places/countries.