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Ask her why she feels it's not right for you to gently nudge her back. Be tactful as you explain your views on how it's a double-standard. Let her know that you don't like being punched in the arm, and that if she does it again, you will respond accordingly. She will hopefully take the hint.
I don't think that it's right that anyone punches anyone. Poking, on the other hand, is fare game.
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"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq
"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy
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