Oh.
My.
God.
Four years!?!
Well, as most of you know, we went for it. We embarked on a several-year relationship (well, "relationship") with this other couple. And it was fairly intense, and, as ratbastid has mentioned, HIGH drama. D, my former umfriend, was never really willing to commit to anything, and her husband, S, was never really involved the way he wanted. In the end it just wasn't working and we pulled the plug.
HOWEVER.
We remain good friends with them, and we learned a whole lot about ourselves and our marriage. It was truly a crucible in which we defined ourselves. I think our marriage has gotten stronger, and we've both let go of a lot of insecurity and jealousy that would have strangled things. I think the relationship was the most transformative process I've ever been through, but it was because I used it that way. If there was a habit I didn't like in myself, or an emotion that was not useful (feeling unlovable or not being able to see my own beauty), I hunted down the origin of it relentlessly and ripped that fucker out. In the end, what's left is a stronger, more confident lurkette who knows who she is.
And who I am is bisexual. No more dilemma, it's decided. I need a relationship with a woman. Not like "I'll die if I don't have it" need, but a part of me would be shut off without it. Enter stellaluna
, on cue like an answer to a prayer. She's going to blush about it, I'm sure, but she's the most beautiful, kind, caring, sexy woman and she just fits us both. And we're totally blissed out. We've not only made it work, we've made it thrive. I used to look at Art's threesome wistfully...I'm glad I held onto that and didn't sell out for a tepid if occasionally intense relationship that didn't work, or just give up altogether and let monogamy take its course.
So thank you, all, for your advice (past and present). And let me concur that communication is essential, and utmost honesty with yourself and your partners is essential. And thanks to whoever bumped this so I could see where I was 4 years ago. Damn, I've come a long way.
I'm curious if there are other truly polyamorous people out there (we don't have an open marriage, exactly), and how you've found it works for you?