ElementXY

Hi! I just came across a thread liek this on another site and replied to it and would say the same thing here so I'm going to post my reply from the other site onto here as well. I just came across this topic when doing a search and wanted to give you my perspective. I'm not married and can't say I fully understand that depth of commitment yet as not having reached that point in my life yet. I can tell you a little about my experience though. I'm a 24 year old gay/bi guy, meaning I am emotionally and sexually attracted to men mostly, and rarely attracted to the occasional woman. Five years ago when I was just beginning my first male/male relationship I was in a place in my life where I was very curious about a lot of things and arrogantly thought I was very open minded about sex. I had little qualms about sex as long as it did not hurt another person.
I was very much in love with my boyfriend and we were together for a year or so. I wanted badly to experiment and have a threesome, mainly out of curiousity and horniness. I was a little worried about the idea of "sharing" my bf with someone else and I feared jealousy about seeing him sexually with another guy but my intense curiosity got the better of me. We did end up having a threesome, we actually tried it a couple times. Each time when we were finished we both had a real intense feeling of guilt. I'm not sure if this is because of our own backgrounds. I was brought up very Christian and struggled for along time with my sexuality and sex outside of marriage in general. Regardless it just didn't feel right, so we did not have any more threesomes, but something in our relationship was lost. The intimacy we had before was just not there anymore and there was almost a sense of mistrust or doubt in the depth our love for eachother. It was just a nagging feeling, but things were not the same for us anymore. On a side note, I found out when we broke up a year later, that he ended up meeting the other guy and had sex with him privately, without me. It was an awful feeling,because his primary objection to a threesome was that he was afraid I'd want to go have sex with the guy or develop feeling for the other guy, and it turned out that was the problem he ended up having, not me. I had assured him that the only reason I wanted a threesome was because I wanted to share another person physically with him. It was not just because I was horny and wanted an excuse to screw someone else.
Anyway, to make a long story short, I realized that I could never have a threesome again if I was in a relationship because it caused something to shift and change and the dynamic we had was never the same again. I grew jealous even though I was sure I would not, and I had these awful memories of seeing him getting screwed by someone else and it felt dirty to me. I just don't think threesomes are a good idea for most people in a relationship, especially if they had never had this kind of sexual openess of experimentation in the relationship. It opens a pandora's box that can never be closed. In a relationship we will stil be sexually attracted to other people, whether they be the same gender or the opposite gender. This sexual attraction and curiousity does not justify the to act on these sexual impulses, in my mind. That is just part of sexuailty as a human, and being in a healthy, mature, committed relationship. I hope this helped shed some light on your dilema!


~Marcel