*Bumpy*
Hope everyone wil appreciate my contribution to this fine thread.
I came across this joke because it was entitled "Little Eddy...", but I thought to just change the name, and presto chango, you got a great Lil Johnny Joke.
It is a bit long, but an instant gold classic with more punchlines and naughty innuendo than you can believe.
Here goes:
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A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Johnny, what is your problem?" Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!" The teacher had had enough. She took Eddy to the principal's office.
While Johhny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. The teacher agreed. Johnny was brought in and the conditions were explained to him, and he agreed to take the test. And so the examination commenced:
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Johnny: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Johnny: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade student should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Johnny can go to the third-grade." The teacher says to the principal, "Would you allow me to ask him some questions?" The principal and Johnny both agreed.
The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Johnny, after a moment of deep thought, answers "Legs."
Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!?
Johnny replied, "Pockets."
Teacher: What does a dog do that a man steps into?
Johnny: Pants
Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Johnny was taking charge.
Johnny: Shake hands
Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
Johnny: Bubblegum
Teacher: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Johnny: Coconut
The principal was now feeling a bit flustered by the onslaught of such unnerving questions.
Teacher: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Johnny: Yep.
Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Johnny: Tent
Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.
The principal was looking restless and a bit tense.
Johnny: Wedding Ring
Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Johnny: Nose
Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Johnny: Arrow
Teacher: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of excitement?
Johnny: Firetruck
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Johnny in the fifth-grade, I missed the last ten questions myself."
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HaHa
