Ch'i

Well, you could start smoking, but eventually you'll have to cut that too. There are foods that are both healthy and taste good, I promise. I will make a comprehensive list and post it at a later time.
Aside from duct tape, there is a mryad of different workout plans that could work. This plan would be a great start.
Most steriods have side-effects that I doubt you or your team would want. This includes: aggression, irritability, depression, acne, man boobs, elevated cholesterol, ect.. My suggestion would be Creatine. Its the the safest, most natural and benifitial steroid available. This Men's Health article should provide you with more information on Creatine.