beedubaya

Hey, I've browsed this forum for a while but this is my first time actually posting. I am very depressed right now and need some advice. It's kinda long, so bear with me.

I'm in my junior year of college and college has been the worst time of my life. I have absolutely no friends. I didn't have high school friends neither, nor have I ever had a girlfriend. After attending three different high schools, I pretty much gave up on social life in high school, because I always heard great stories about how much better it was in college. Those stories, at least for me, are complete fiction.

I realize a huge part of it is my fault, because I chose to live at home and commute to school rather than go off and have the traditional dorm experience where I am forced to interact with people. Its a local school and most people who attend it grew up in this immediate area. This causes the problem of people clinging to their high school friends and being relatively shut to meeting new people and making new friends. When you are dealing with groups that have been together since kindergarten, its very hard to penetrate that.

I was always told college was a place I would be accepted for who I am, but I've found it to be just more of the same crap I suffered through in high school. Most friendships here are based entirely on things such as partying and binge drinking. This isn't what I want. I want a close, emotional friendship. I also prefer smart, intellectual type people rather than people who spend all night laughing at their farting contests. It doesn't help that I live in a pretty rural area (Fort Smith, AR if anybody has heard of it), where there is ABSOLUTELY nothing to do besides a few local bars or attending church. Neither of those options is going to put me with people who I would clique with.

My only close friend is a guy I met online and he went off to college and lived in the dorm. He had the same problem as I did in high school. He didn't have any friends and always sat at home, as I did and still do. College for him was a complete 180 degree turn-around. He has a perfect girl and close friends who accept him for who he is. That is what I expected out of college. Now he's doing random things with his friends all the time and lives the life I would give ANYTHING for. If he can do it, why can't I?

I had high hopes for this time of my life. I was so wrong. I spend my days depressed and lonely now. I frequently think of suicide. The most common advice I get is either to transfer schools or move out of my parents' house. Neither of those are an option for me. My job doesn't pay enough for me to take classes full time plus work enough for me to pay rent. Second, I am on a scholarship so transferring schools would require I give that up. My parents wouldn't support it either. If I was earlier in my college career I might consider transferring anyways, especially as miserable as I am. With only a year and a half left to go, however, that wouldn't be the smartest thing.

Is there any possible way I can turn things around and make friends while I'm still in college? I feel that if I can't make friends now, I will never have them. A new semester is getting ready to start and I hope to make it the semester that my life turns around. On the flip side though, since I've been in school five semesters already, my faith that it will actually get better is little to none. Is it possible though and what would you do in my situation?