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Atropos... first of all -- GOOD LUCK *warm smile*
i spent three years and thousands of dollars trying to get pregnant with my first. my last (and third) was a complete surprise... i was on the birthcontrol pill (faithfully i might add) and he just decided that he was coming whether we liked it or not *chuckle*
in the three years that i was trying to get pregnant with my first, i was on an emotional roller coaster... as i am sure you know already, it is terribly painful to go through the "hope/disappointment" thing over and over each month...
because i wanted it so badly, it was truly hard to be objective and trust any "gut feelings"...
all that aside... my best advice to you is this... and please forgive me if it seems too "etheral" or sappy...
with this sort of thing... you first have to follow your Doctor's "orders" to the best of your ability. Then... let go, and trust the process. Time and time again you hear stories about how people who thought they could never get pregnant adopt, and THEN end up pregnant on their own accord.
i was so stressed, and so pained for a while... wanting so badly to be pregnant and have a child... i pretty much "gave up" on our last attempt at the doctor's office. The week that followed, i went out and got drunk, smoked like a fiend... pretty much threw all care and caution to the wind because i was "convinced" that it wasn't going to work again... *laugh*... how wrong we are when we think we know how the wonders of the Universe work.
anyway, somewhere in the middle of our three year process, i was feeling really sad and hopeless. I have an amazing friend who suggested that i simply "ask" the Universe for what it was that i wanted... and by "ask"... i don't mean the desperate prayers that we all have at 2:00am when we are alone.
i decided to take her advice (what could it hurt?)...
i sat quietly by myself one afternoon in the sunshine and thought about why i wanted a child... and pictured that child with me, and in my life. after a while i drew a picture of myself and my child, as i had imagine it in mind. later that day, i bought a helium ballon... tied the picture to the balloon... closed my eyes, said a prayer... and let go.
i watched that balloon float away for what seemed like HOURS, barely daring to hope. my first child, my little girl... is the epitome of the child i saw in my mind's eye that day. I truly believe that my request was recieved and answered. The answer took a little longer than i had hoped for... but was received none-the-less.
Good luck to you... and never stop believing in yourself
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