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Originally Posted by thelifeandtimes
I was in this exact situation not even 4 months ago, i just thought things would be different with her. She was everything I could really ask for when we first met, but as soon as I left and school let out, she completely changed on me.
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if it's a repeating trend, you should be well-aware it's not coincidence.
we always feel like it's special, it's different, because we WANT to believe that. love, the other half, the ONE we're destined for. it uh, doesn't quite work like that despite what the movies and loves songs tell you. love's blind, you get too absorbed and you start turning a blind things to the obvious, and if you do see them you start rationalizing to cover them up. be careful and don't ever let alone convince you your happiness lies in their hands- it should lie in yours.
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Originally Posted by thelifeandtimes
I'm really just not sure how to confront her about all of this. I don't want to accuse her of things only to be wrong and look like a dick, like she has made me out to be before when it first all happenend. Do i just come straight out and say "hey, I really don't trust this guy and i really don't like how much time you're spending with him, it makes me feel uneasy." The thing is is I know exactly how she will react. She will tell me I'm worrying about nothing and that he's just a friend she can talk to and that I'm being immature and unfair and placing my last relationships downfall onto her. I don't know, I am just getting really tired of dealing with this same thing time after time again.
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don't launch into a whole sob story with her, you said it yourself, you know how she'll react. here's the sub-text of what that diatribe would say: "i'm weak, and insecure. and i'm a wussy who would like to see you stop talking to him because i'm not confident in my abilities to defend against his advances." the problem is not THE GUY. there will always be THE GUY. if it wasn't this guy, it'll be another guy two weeks and two blocks down the road. if you're married, it'll be the guy in the office next to her. having her stop seeing the guy is not going to fix the root problem.
confront it, but in a masculine way. DO NOT get attached. she's probably seeing him because she's unfulfilled in some way with you, she's getting something from him you're not providing. though honestly depending on the girl she might just be doing it because she's the "i get bored in a relationship and like to meet new guys" in which case you don't want to be with her anyway.
"Look, I know what's going on. I know why you're hanging out with this guy. You're probably unhappy with something in the relationship, so let's either fix it or let's not waste each other's time."
If she wants to fix it, yay, if she doesn't, walk away. Don't call her every day begging her to hang out, if she's choosing time to hang out with him, just go kick it with your boys. If you don't have any, find some. She knows how to get ahold of you. "oh you're kickin' it with steve? alrite, you know where to find me."
Again, the goal here is to not be a chump, man. Keep that in mind. WHINING about some guy is being a chump. Don't whine, don't beg, be the first to throw down and call her on her bullshit. Her shit doesn't smell like roses, she's like every other chick in the world, no matter how hot/special/unqiue you may think she is.