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JustJess · 05-31-2006, 01:01 PM

The question is not whether to tell them... but HOW to tell them.

Simply. Try not to build it up with a lot of "okay, you're going to be upset and I'm really sorry but" types of things. Be honest about the reasons/sources of problems. If it's just you, just admit it. It's actually easier, trust me. It's easier for the people we care about to be supportive if we're being responsible about our own screwups. So to say "Look, I had an awful semester. I really messed things up. To make it worse, I lied to you about it. My reasons were (I thought I could fix it, I didn't want to disappoint you, etc.), but that's no excuse for lying to you, and I'm deeply sorry. I won't do that again. I may fail at something again, but I will never lie about it."

That's the part that will be the most upsetting to them - not that you failed (we all fuck up, or fall when we've tried, that's okay), but that you lied about your life. And a pretty big piece of your life. That's the part to make sure they know you're sorry about and regret. You don't have to be perfect, you just have to respect the people around you - and lying to them, as you already know, isn't being respectful or loving.

So when you talk to them, concentrate on that part - that's the part that sucks more. Frankly, it sucks that your grades are bad now, but you can fix that. Yes, you can. You're smart and sharp, and will do it if you want to. It won't be easy, probably, but you can do it.

I also think having a game plan isn't a bad idea - but neither is asking them what they think you should do.

Good luck, cello. :*

05-31-2006, 01:01 PM	#10 (permalink)
JustJess Unencapsulated Location: Kittyville	The question is not whether to tell them... but HOW to tell them. Simply. Try not to build it up with a lot of "okay, you're going to be upset and I'm really sorry but" types of things. Be honest about the reasons/sources of problems. If it's just you, just admit it. It's actually easier, trust me. It's easier for the people we care about to be supportive if we're being responsible about our own screwups. So to say "Look, I had an awful semester. I really messed things up. To make it worse, I lied to you about it. My reasons were (I thought I could fix it, I didn't want to disappoint you, etc.), but that's no excuse for lying to you, and I'm deeply sorry. I won't do that again. I may fail at something again, but I will never lie about it." That's the part that will be the most upsetting to them - not that you failed (we all fuck up, or fall when we've tried, that's okay), but that you lied about your life. And a pretty big piece of your life. That's the part to make sure they know you're sorry about and regret. You don't have to be perfect, you just have to respect the people around you - and lying to them, as you already know, isn't being respectful or loving. So when you talk to them, concentrate on that part - that's the part that sucks more. Frankly, it sucks that your grades are bad now, but you can fix that. Yes, you can. You're smart and sharp, and will do it if you want to. It won't be easy, probably, but you can do it. I also think having a game plan isn't a bad idea - but neither is asking them what they think you should do. Good luck, cello. :* __________________ My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.