My goal is to make my wife feel good. I love her and respect her and want her more than anything in the world, and making her feel good is my joy. Any other goal is tertiary to that. If I ejaculate, that's cool, if not, whatever. The real orgasm is seeing that look on my wifes face of bliss. How did I get so lucky?
Frankly, it seems like the projective identification thing is reaching. What is happening to you is normal. While I don't have my PhD yet, I read a lot and have had roughly 80 sexual partners in my life (which I've been told is a lot for a 22 year old). Now is a time to experiment. Think about different things during sex. Try different positions. Toys, food, etc. Try new things.
Best of luck, and congrats on landing a very caring lady.
