abaya

Sultana, this is exactly what I am talking about... I have the same attitude as you. For me, I love to dream/fantasize about things that I *want* to do... and I am thrilled when they come true. I try to not fantasize about things that can never come true, because then I get very frustrated and feel like I don't have any power in my life. This happens both sexually and in other arenas. I wonder if this is really a gender thing, as you say, or if it's a personality thing? Let's collect more data and find out...

To take some examples from the board so far: when I read about places or people, fiction or not, I want to experience them. Yes, even Harry Potter for god's sake... if it was actually possible to attend a wizarding school, I would go in an instant. I remember reading a book when I was young about a witch's academy where people learned to fly around on brooms, and I begged my dad to let me try to fly around (I was really young!). In the end he took such pity on me that he would lift me up on a broom and whoosh me around in the air. Which was fun, but it wasn't quite real enough to satisfy me.

Or, take Moby Dick... which was my favorite novel as an English major. I was dying to spend a semester at sea after reading that book, and actively looked for opportunities to do so. Unfortunately, there were no opportunities offered by my university, so I disliked that reality as well. It wasn't enough to just read the book and dream.. I wanted to make it happen. I fantasized about going to Iceland for a year after college; I made it happen, regardless of the reality that I had to leave a job I had trained 5 years to do and invested thousands of dollars in. I fantasized about backpacking around Europe; I pursued it every day, made plans, nailed every detail, until it happened. In fact, I have always fantasized about traveling; as a result, I have chosen a job that would allow me to do so (becoming an anthropologist, most recently allowing me a job where I spent 7 weeks living in a rural African village). On a sexual note, I fantasized about losing my virginity before marriage (I had been raised to NOT dream about those things)... it happened less than a week after I made that decision, and continues to happen. Thus I only really watch porn that I wouldn't mind participating in, in real life... and I do watch a goodly amount of porn.

So all I'm saying is, if I dream or fantasize or whatever about something, and if there's even the smallest chance it could happen, I WILL FIND A WAY! And I have a hard time understanding why anyone would get a hard-on (literally) about something that they don't *actually* want to happen. That's all... just trying to understand the whole phenomenon.

Random thought: so guys, if you are turned on by anal sex porn, would you be turned off by it in real life? Riiiiiiight...

Btw, let it be noted that once again, I agree with everything Ustwo has said on this thread so far.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran