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Originally Posted by abaya
I ask because I watch porn and fantasize a great deal, but I guess I tend to watch porn/fantasize about things that I would find hot in real life, too
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I'm not sure if this is a gender or personality difference, but it's definitely something that I, as a male, fail to see from the opposite side. I bet you can look at a person and see that they're attractive, and even wonder what they'd be like to "lie with" in the Biblical sense, without saying that it ever will or should come to fruition.
It's entirely possible for something attractive to become very UNattractive when you apply the constructions of morality and reality. If I stop for 5 seconds to ponder what someone looks like under their clothes, it doesn't mean I WANT to see them under their clothes. Becuase in reality, things like reponsibility, decency, morality, and trust come into play. And when those things come into the "balancing act," they far outweigh any "fantasy" desire I might have had.
It's like man I really wonder what it would be like to do 200 mph on a street bike through crowded streets ripping between cars and running red lights like a true maniac. Holy shit that's awesome, its something I'd like to do in real life...
Oh wait! When I come back to real life, I realize the primary problem: death. In my fantasy, I could control my bike and other cars so that I could never be killed. But back in the real world, the constraints placed on make it far less attractive -- to the point that I'll probably not do it -- simply because I prefer life to that fantasy. Much as I prefer my relationship to some silly 5 second thought I might have.
He might find it mildly attractive, but when it comes down to the real world.. the constraints of loving you and wanting to keep you to
himself override that fantasy attraction, no matter how strong it was when seperated from the real-world considerations.