Gilda

So I'm looking at the poll results after I voted and there are 19 votes for lesbian. So I'm thinking, where are the rest of you? Then again there are some 300 votes there, and I don't think I've seen a third of that total actually posting, so maybe it's just a lurking thing?

I identified as straight as a teen, but that was mostly due to pressure from my family and community to conform to expectations. My twin sister was openly bisexual, at least she was open with me, so that might be my natural inclination.

I've had more than one therapist say that men's and women's sexuality are much different in terms of orientation, that men's seems to be hardwired at birth with large clusters at the ends and a smaller number in the middle, while women seem to be more evenly spread along a continuum, with a lot more in the middle compared to men and the clusters on the end a lot smaller, again not in absolute terms but in comparison to men.

My therapist back in California explained as women's orientation being predominantly straight, with a much smaller number of truly homosexual women compared to men--a little less than half the incidence, around 5-6% for the guys, and between 2 and 3% for the ladies.

Also, the number of women who have indentified from early on as lesbian and have never expressed sexual desire for men or had sexual encounters with men is very, very small compared to the same factors in homosexual men. Most male homosexuals know they're homosexual very early on and that's pretty stable. Most lesbians have had sexual contact with men and many have in their past identified as straight either to others or themselves or both.

Anyway, his theory of female orientation was that most (without a specified number) women, or perhaps just a very large minority are naturally bisexual, with variant degrees of sexual attraction to men and women. This leaves more influence for nurture, and because we live in a heteronormative society, where there are overt and covert pressures to conform to the straight life, and because society is set up around the straight life, it's the easier choice. When more than one path is available, the easier one that leads to the same destination will be the one chosen most often. This may lead to many even identifying as straight despite having a residual attraction to women, and that does make logical sense. If you've never had sex with a woman, and don't intend to, calling yourself straight isn't the least bit deceptive.

On the other end, most women who identify as exclusively lesbian, such as me, have had sexual contact with males, with many having identified as straight earlier in their lives, often having been married to a man. Lesbians are far more likely to have had a male abuser, either physical or sexual, in their past than straight or bisexual women, and are much more likely to have been raped.

This, above, describes my sexual history quite accurately.

Then there are women who just aren't into guys. As Grace puts it, she's a lesbian because men smell funny and she finds the idea of sex with guys icky.

Thus, the theory goes, there are those who identify from the get go as straight, a very small number who identify initially as lesbian, and a large group of bisexuals in the middle who are pushed by environmental influences toward one end or the other. Note that this is not the same thing as choosing to be gay or bisexual, it's a theory of the possible causation, which still remains largely out of the persons individual control.

While men's sexuality seems to be hardwired, women's seems to be more of a case of predisposition that is then subject to environmental influence.

Oh, and, even though it was quite some time back, someone said she was 90% lesbian 10% straight, and asked if bisexual meant 50-50. The answer is no. Most bisexuals tend to be more attracted to one sex or the other, while retaining a lesser base attraction to the other sex. Kinsey rated sexuality on a scale of 0 to 6, with 0 and 1 being straight, 5 and 6 being homosexual, and 2-4 being bisexual. That 90/10 lesbian would likely put you at 5 on this scale: primarily homosexual and only incidentally heterosexual. That's where I am, by the way. Grace is a solid 6. Sissy is a 0, not the least bit interested in women except as friends.

Gilda