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paper is important, if you print your resume on some willy nilly scented pink paper, Im junking it. I want to see that you have faith in your resume and confidence, a nice heavy bond paper. Something I cant see through. If its a part time job for some extra cash dont worry about resume paper, just dont bring me a resume on tracing paper either
Grammar and spelling. 'nuff said
no silly fonts. Its unprofessional and just ugly. Hurts my eyes too.
Key words. Verbage. Its all about how you say it. Most employers have a screener or a machine that will scan the document for key words, especially when submitting online.
DONT LIE ever
it shows me you have loose morals, poor ethics and could possibly encourage others to do so. It is also an indicator of poor character, if you lied on your resume, you'd probably lie to me on the job. I dont need that hassle.
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the voices in your head are not real--but they still have some really great ideas.
always remeber you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family. But..you CAN choose the insane asylum where you have them all put away! 
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