I voted the last one. To me there's a big difference with loving someone and being in love with someone. When you care for someone you can love 'em but you're not in love with them, you don't have some (slight) urge to perform any sexual actions with them.
But Analog,
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If I say to a girl, "I love you", and get back the response, "but are you IN LOVE with me?"- that's nonsense.
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I completely agree with you here. If someone is going to make a point of that, I'd say skip her. She knows what you're trying to say, so if she doesn't wish to understand that, she's not worth it.
Woolf