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Originally Posted by onesnowyowl
The other thing that I've seen a lot in this thread that bothers me is the idea that society has dictated that we (my SO and I, or other mono couples) be monogamous. No, it was our choice. We discussed many alternatives before committing to monogamy.
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Good call again, Owl. This is part of what I was trying to say earlier... that the reason ktspktsp and I discuss these threads on TFP so much (and also the choices of people we know in real life) is to continually ascertain what it is that *we* want. And all along, it has always been mono-amory (again, making up words as I go
) for us... with the agreement than any change in that preference, for either/both of us, would require extensive discussion and evaluation of our relationship. We have chosen, and are consistently re-choosing, mono-amory.
I'm curious, though, whether anyone has changed their mono/poly status after marriage, when the partner did not change or agree with the change. This is because in the cases of polyamory that I have seen on TFP, pretty much every couple was cool with the situation... but we don't hear often of those who were *not* cool. Did all hell break loose? Did divorce take place, or was there a livable compromise? Did the poly-inclined person choose to remain mono out of respect/love for the mono-inclined partner, or vice-versa? I guess I wonder if it's anything like coming out in a marriage... what's the partner to do if he/she can't play along?