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Originally Posted by skier
Supple cow, I think you misinterpreted "devalue" from the (marginal) context of mbchill's statement. Or perhaps it's just because I understand the jargon
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Oh, I understood perfectly what he meant to say. I just chose to respond to what he
actually said. I think a person's vocabulary can sometimes be revealing about their fundamental ideals and outlook. I'm not going to nit-pick and point a finger over word choice for the sake of nit-picking and pointing a finger, but you have to admit that this particular word struck more than one person as a peculiar choice. I bet after all the responses to it he got in this thread, he'll think twice the next time he's about to say it. Or not. Whether this makes him say it more or less doesn't even matter - I'm pretty sure he'll at least be thinking about it with a new perspective after this.
Anyway, my main point still stands...
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Originally Posted by skier
It's not actually demeaning a woman, it's more about changing relative social mindframes that both you have and the person you're trying to attract has. Reading it over, it sounds like a complicated sentence... Let's say an average looking guy introduces himself to a beautiful woman. The guy knows he's average, and the girl knows she's beautiful. Her social value (say at a bar) would be very high- she probably has attractive friends, and lots of guys try to pick her up. The average guy needs to "level the playing field" in order to pique this girl's interest. He does so by demonstrating a higher value (which is different than saying he has higher value ie bragging) and also by lowering the social value of the girl he's talking to (perhaps by a deceptively well meant but slightly negative compliment- ex. "Wow, I love your hair, is that your real hair color? No? Well it still looks very nice.") While it's really not a very nice thing to do, it's more about getting the girl to think "Why isn't he all over me like the other guys? He must be different" than actually demeaning her and treating her badly.
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What you describe is still turning an attempt to connect with another human being into a game (in the bad way). I'm all for the spirit of competition and such - I'm an ultimate frisbee player and we have that whole "spirit of the game" thing going - but I think the whole concept of "game" (as in the dating scene) is an inefficient tool. Or maybe it's just the wrong tool for the task.
That a guy would have to posture or manipulate perceptions at all still supports my point that there are a whole lot of unrealistic expectations getting thrown around (my previous point #3 being especially applicable here). You can't say something like, "I am having trouble reading you so it would help if you just told me what you wanted from me" and expect a real (as in genuine and, more importantly, TRUE) answer from a girl whom you've been doing your best to manipulate from square one.
I'll tell you straight up, mbchills: If you approach the situation playing games, the only girls who will take the bait are girls who play games... that means you can't be surprised when they play games with you! What incentive have you given them to be honest or straightforward? None. No surprises here.
/threadjack
I'll just point out to the rest of the "what the hell is a bitch shield?"/"grow up!" crowd that playing games is probably fulfilling on some level for some people who aren't us. I don't know if further deconstructing "game" is really going to get us anywhere.
To stay within the intended scope of this thread, it sounds like the best answer so far is, "I already have enough friends as it is, but I can put you on the waitlist." I bet you could even throw a wink in there and she'd think it was really cute. Or something. *shrug*
How about, "Sweet! My friends usually buy me drinks. Next round's on you, right?"