Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post

ariekitten · 02-10-2006, 04:19 AM

i had a crush on you for such a long time, but it was like you never saw me. we were friends, but you never were sincere.
then you had your heart ripped out (didn't i tell you that whole time she was cheating?) and you decided to let me in.
and just when i thought i was finally coming to terms with this newly found (close) friendship, you play on my feelings for you and complicate things so much more. i didn't want to have sex with you. not because i wasn't attracted (i clearly was), but because i didn't want to let myself have that with you if i wasn't special to you. i didn't want to be another one-nighter.
now everytime i see you or talk to you or talk about you, there's that awkwardness there because i fear i'll fuck up and let someone know. i think about you more than i should. i sat mindlessly scribbling your name on a piece of paper the other day, then tore it up and threw it away.
the things you shared with me that i thought were your innermost thoughts/feelings turned out to be bullshit. i know you bullshit everyone, but me? haven't you gotten to know me enough, to trust me enough, that you could for once show me the real you? and have faith that i can handle all the shit about you that maybe others can't handle? all this time, and still i'm not special enough for honesty.
do you fear that i'll fuck you over like she did? or maybe your mom hating me has something to do with it. you've never cared about what your mom thought before, so why should it matter now? maybe your friends think i'm not good enough for you.
well you know what? i hate your stupid pill-popping. drugs can't answer all your problems, even if the doctor prescribes them. and hell, it would be one thing if you took the meds to fix your problem, but you abuse them, take so many that you no longer have feelings. apathy and nihilistic attitudes won't make life better. maybe i can't save you, but you are worth saving.....you've had the power to save yourself all along.
you want me to come over and watch cartoons again, but will you beckon me to sit closer, offer me a massage? will i have the self control to resist your smile? i wrote a poem for you...but how can i share the innermost pieces of me when you just set them in the pile of all the other random pieces people have given you? it hurts.

02-10-2006, 04:19 AM	#32 (permalink)
ariekitten bAck iN aCtiOn! Location: in my imagination	i had a crush on you for such a long time, but it was like you never saw me. we were friends, but you never were sincere. then you had your heart ripped out (didn't i tell you that whole time she was cheating?) and you decided to let me in. and just when i thought i was finally coming to terms with this newly found (close) friendship, you play on my feelings for you and complicate things so much more. i didn't want to have sex with you. not because i wasn't attracted (i clearly was), but because i didn't want to let myself have that with you if i wasn't special to you. i didn't want to be another one-nighter. now everytime i see you or talk to you or talk about you, there's that awkwardness there because i fear i'll fuck up and let someone know. i think about you more than i should. i sat mindlessly scribbling your name on a piece of paper the other day, then tore it up and threw it away. the things you shared with me that i thought were your innermost thoughts/feelings turned out to be bullshit. i know you bullshit everyone, but me? haven't you gotten to know me enough, to trust me enough, that you could for once show me the real you? and have faith that i can handle all the shit about you that maybe others can't handle? all this time, and still i'm not special enough for honesty. do you fear that i'll fuck you over like she did? or maybe your mom hating me has something to do with it. you've never cared about what your mom thought before, so why should it matter now? maybe your friends think i'm not good enough for you. well you know what? i hate your stupid pill-popping. drugs can't answer all your problems, even if the doctor prescribes them. and hell, it would be one thing if you took the meds to fix your problem, but you abuse them, take so many that you no longer have feelings. apathy and nihilistic attitudes won't make life better. maybe i can't save you, but you are worth saving.....you've had the power to save yourself all along. you want me to come over and watch cartoons again, but will you beckon me to sit closer, offer me a massage? will i have the self control to resist your smile? i wrote a poem for you...but how can i share the innermost pieces of me when you just set them in the pile of all the other random pieces people have given you? it hurts. __________________ I am known as Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobilla Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andri Charton-Haymoss Ivanovici Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser III. Don't hesitate to call. ~Vash, Trigun >'.'< kitty kitty, meow ^..^~ Last edited by ariekitten; 02-10-2006 at 04:34 AM..