Gilda

I know what you mean by it coming from the media. There's a commercial playing right now that I absolutely loathe because I look at it at it makes me feel a little small, unattractive every time. It's an advertisement for contacts, I think, that has a strikingly attractive young Asian woman wearing a pair of glasses, and being criticized by her friends because of how they make her look, while I'm looking at her and thinking she's as beautiful in the glasses as without.

What makes it sting a little bit is that the glasses are nearly identical to the ones I wear most of the time, the black plastic-framed ones in my profile picture. It's weird because I look at the actress in the commercial and see that she's just as attractive with the glasses as without, but it still makes me question those days I just don't want to bother with the contacts. Sissy says the glasses make me look younger somehow, but can't put her finger on it.

Questions for you:

How do you see yourself in the mirror when you look into it?

Negatives: Skinny, flat-chested (32A), hips too small (30), skin too pale, chin far too prominent, wide mouth, upper lip far too wide, narrow lips, misshapen nose (too thin on the bridge, too wide at the nostrils), bat ears, eyes too deeply and widely set, brow ridge too prominent, cheeks so puffy that my cheekbones dissapear when I smile (which is why I try not to do that, particularly in pictures, which I hate anyway).

Positives: Tall but not too tall, nicely toned legs and abs, thin enough to wear anything that doesn't require a large bust or hips. Long thin neck.

Why do you think the bar is set so incredibly high for women?

It's partly a remnant of the culture from prior to the revolution that women more freedom to be independent and professional and go out into the workforce as other than secretaries, teachers, and nurses.

Until relatively recently, a woman's job was to land a good husband to provide for her, and consumer culture was built up around that idea. Even those women who worked tended to do so only until they found a husband. To that end, those things that would make her more attractive to potential mates became what the culture told her she she pursue. The market being there for makeup, women's clothes including lingerie, and so forth, and that being the primary arena in which women were expected to be consumers, the marketplace began competing for those dollars. It became not just a competition over market share, but a competition to define the terms of what a woman is supposed to be, supposed to want. When you can define the terms, you're in a much stronger position as a marketer than someone who merely accepts the marketplace as is.

So we end up with a pop and consumer culture that's centered around defining what a woman is, what makes her attractive, what she is supposed to be, and people tacitly accepting the cultural standards of beauty.

Women entering the workforce in larger numbers didn't change this, it just layered new things, new expectations on top of it. A business woman is expected to be assertive, but not aggressive, feminine, but not too feminine--notice that a woman's business suit is essentially a man's suit with a skirt replacing the slacks--and still are expected to fill the same roles as they were in the 50's, but with new responsibilities layered on top.

So we end up with professional expectations layered on top of the expectation that one look and act right to get a man, even though those two goals are contradictory, the criteria for each are still in play.

And can women really live up to this? (some women seem too and they seem so successful)

Sure it's possible. I work with a woman who's like That Woman described in previous posts. I've mentioned here a few times, Dr. KGB; beautiful, poised, professional, respected, fashionable and feminine, two kids, yet always looking like she just stepped off of Oprah's stage after a makeover show. I envy her so much I occasionally have to touch up my makeup to cover the green.

Is anyone here actually living up to this image of the in control and perfectly styled professional women? (i'd like to know how! )

I'm certainly nowhere close.

How many of you are generally happy with the way you are present yourself phsyically, professionally?

I do what I can, but the flaws that are there aren't really anything that can be corrected easily or even effectively. I still debate internally whether I want to get breast implants, and Sissy and Grace are the only two people who've seen me without makeup in many years.

It's difficult, because I know I've bought into the image that the media sets up, but knowing that doesn't change how I feel. I like the way I look better in makeup than without it. I like the way I look in a skirt and heels, and though I'm perfectly comfortable physically, it's a comfort that's come from familiarity and from knowing that I look better that way than in slacks and flats. Thus, I know it's in part that I fit the image I've been fed, but that knowledge doesn't prevent me from feeling better about myself the closer to the image I come. I like looking this way, but that's at least partly because I've been trained to like that image.

Gilda

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I'm against ending blackness. I believe that everyone has a right to be black, it's a choice, and I support that.

~Steven Colbert