Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Suave
The only people who can't be happy or content are those who either have a chemical imbalance in their brain, or who choose not to. It's not about being stupid or ignorant, it's about a state of mind.
|
Sissy's "diagnosis" (as much as you can call a sophomore pre-med student's opinion a diagnosis) is the chemical imbalance thing.
She says I'm showing all of the textbook symptoms of a seratonin deficiency: depression, insomnia, shyness, anxiety, and mild symptoms of ocd. She's been pushing me to see a doctor about getting an SSRI anti-depressant. I really don't want to do that. I'm can't help but think that maybe the wrong parts of my personality will be altered. What if it's the good stuff that changes, instead of the bad stuff that I want fixed? For example the very mild OCD stuff, while a little annoying to Sissy and Grace, is actually more beneficial than harmful. A little obsessive neatness and organization means a household that is always neat, clean, well-arranged, and organized, and various other benefits. I'd consider losing that a big negative.
But more than that, I can't help but think that if these drugs can alter my personality, what if I'm no longer me on the drugs? If I'm just getting happiness out of a pill, is that really happiness, or just a drug-induced illusion?
Grace says they don't work that way, and they both tried to explain the specific mechanism, which still doesn't make them seem completely safe to me.
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by match000
Gilda, your original post implies that you have run out of goals.
|
Well, I've hit my professional goal for the most part. I suppose I could set my sights on full professor, or getting tenure, but those things seem like small things at this point compared to just getting to where I am. I'm far more worried about losing what I currently have than I am about moving forward.
So in that sense, I have goals. Don't screw up and lose my job. Don't hurt my family. Get my arm healed, or as much as it can be.
My big goal right now, though, is to try to figure out how to enjoy this more. I have everything I've ever wanted, or at least everything I've ever wanted that it's possible for me to have. I can't have children, and I can't fix the moral failures of my past. Those things, as much I'd like to fix them, are beyond the possibility of repair. So, again, it comes down to learning how to be happy, content, satisfied, or whatever word you want to use for that, with what I have and try to preserve that for as long as I can. I think that's a worthy goal. I just don't know what to do to get from here to there.
Gilda