van, I have to say I like this. For a second I wasn't sure where it was going, but that only made me want to read it more to find out where it was going. I like how it twists and turns and leaves some things for the imagination to figure out, but other things it makes perfectly clear. I also like how your style changes throughout it. The first section seems mysterious and dark, but as it develops I think it becomes more sarcastic than dark. I like it. thumbs up. There is one part I think you should consider re-arranging, though. I think it would flow better if you switched the words "rather" and "screeched." But, of course, that's just nit picky stuff. Good job.
