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Don't feel badly for wanting to have sex with your wife as regularly as possible. And I doubt anyone would call you a typical male idiot for wanting to please her either.
With marriage, at times, other priorities become more apparent because of the responsibilities such a commitment entails. What does she do for a living? Is it stressul for her or is she aiming for a promotion/raise? Are there children that live at home that may take away from quiet private time? Sometimes obligations interfere with 'recreation' or fun, and sex, well, becomes swallowed up in this category (even though personally I think it to some degree is necessary).
You can try a different method of romancing her --maybe your methods of initiating sex have not sufficiently excited her enough to take her clothes off.
The problem may not even with you or anything you're doing, so don't be so hard on yourself, there might be external factors that are prohiting her from responding sexually towards you. It appears that she is heavily preoccupied --if she can't even relax during sex.
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The hardest thing is to be honest with yourself, especially if that means completely redefining the world you've come to know.
Don't look too hard, I'm right in front of you.
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