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Originally Posted by Gilda
2. Complete failure at this one. I felt anxious the whole night. I did throoughly enjoy watching Grace and Dr. KGB at the party, as did all of the men there, so I got some vicarious pleasure at their enjoyment.
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Keep in mind that it is difficult to relax when you are constantly on the lookout for how you are failing instead of being present to the experience of the moment. You are "embarassed" waiting to happen, and you are so on the lookout for anything that might qualify as "embarassing" that your perceptions skew that way and you are all but guaranteed to find something to be embarassed about.
It sounds pollyanna-ish, but try being "happy waiting to happen" or "compassionate waiting to happen." That is, you could try to be tuned into another state of being - start keeping score about how many times in an encounter you experience being happy or compassionate or some other characteristic that is positive instead of negative. You're going to find whatever you're looking for, so why not look for something positive?
An example from my own life: The "me" in my head who is not really "me" is convinced I am ugly and people avoid me because I am funny-looking. Don't bother to argue with me; when this is true, it's Capital-T True and nothing you say can convince me otherwise. When I'm in this mindset, at swing dances, I compare how frequently the pretty girls get danced with and by whom they get asked to dance, and if I don't get asked to dance I am positive it is because I'm ugly and who would want to dance with me when they have pretty people around instead. (Never mind that it probably has nothing to do with any of that. It's not always about me.) Anyhow, I saw myself heading down this path on Saturday and instead decided to notice how many times I was musical and was able to improvise to the music with my partner. With my attention on something else, I didn't think about who was dancing with whom, or why. I wasn't thinking about my appearance, I was thinking about being expressive and musical. If I messed up, it was just an excuse to try again. It becomes a game, and a self-fulfilling one. One little positive feedback (a little kick I added to the end of a step) encourages you to look for more opportunities (where can I throw in that slide I learned?), which encourages you to CREATE more positive feedback (look, I threw in that slide and it was perfectly timed!). Bottom line, I had a good time and left hating neither myself nor the pretty girls
Anyhow, it's a good exercise to try controlling your own emotional state.
I'm full of silly exercises like this, but sometimes you have to do whatever it takes to reset your brain wiring.