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Originally Posted by 5757
That's the fucking point I'm trying to make. You were a child! Does nobody else in here realize that?????????? Hello people!!! Open your eyes. He was a fucking child!
I honestly don't understand how this has anything to do with what she experienced. Did you continue molesting little girls or something?? Was the neighbor girl not the 'only' girl?? Are you having thoughts about doing this as an adult??
Okay, somebody needs to help me out here because I honestly do not see what this has to do with chick he's with. She was molested by her father. Her father!!
A little personal info here: I was molested by my father as well. I remember it. It bugs me. But if I met a man who touched some little girl when he was a little boy, that would hardly bug me.
Won't this female friend of yours think that you still have a problem NOW if you tell her NOW. Isn't what you did as a child something that should have been left back with your childhood??
I think you would be making a big mistake by bringing something like this up.
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It would be nice to hope that she thinks the way you do, but it doesn't seem likely to me. First off, she's clearly more damaged (or perhaps just more militant) than you are. Sounds like it MORE than "bugs" her. Second, while I agree completely that he was a child when it happened--a confused, hurting child, trying to make sense of things bigger than him, it's eminently understandable and... well, not forgiveable, exactly, but... It's in the past, anyway. The issue isn't what's logical or sensible here. The issue is, what's the girl going to make of it. And it's not likely to be logical or sensible.
When I was a senior in high school I briefly dated a girl named Rebecca. She was
amazing. If it had worked out, I'd totally be married to her right now (and so on some level, thank God it didn't, though I didn't feel that way at the time). I'd been her friend for three or four years, and dating her was the fulfillment of years of fantasy for me. She was great. Gorgeous girl. Awesome kisser.
Then one night I touched her breasts. I was sort of half on top of her. I didn't notice anything at the time, I just thought we were having fun, but she told me later that she had been molested as a child, and that when I did that, she went back to that time in her life. She felt trapped, like she couldn't escape. just like when she was a little girl. And now that this had happened between us, she couldn't date me anymore.
Was it logical or sensible? Hell no. She knew it. She apologized for it. To tell the truth, she was a wreck about it. But it followed a sort of internal logic unique to those victimized in their childhood--a pattern had been etched in her brain that all future intimatcy and sexuality was channelled into. For her, sexual arousal EQUALS threat and fear. I haven't talked to her in several years, but I really hope she did what I asked her to and got into therapy, because the way she was headed was for a life of isolation and misery.