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raeanna74 · 10-18-2005, 03:40 PM

I suppose I should add that my mother is still a big part of my life. It is difficult to get away from that. In fact hubby's parents as well as my own are both very religious and want us to be as well. My parents more than his are constantly asking me/us to go to church and I either have to give a reason why not or say that maybe I will. I know supposedly I should be able to just say that I'm not and I have no reason other than I don't want to but my mother begins to preach to me about 'forsaking the assembling or ourselves together', and 'what kind of example am I to my daughter', 'do I want her to grow up godless?' (on this point I want her to choose for herself not be brainwashed and I have no idea how to do this), and so on. Because I was indoctrinated for 27 years (including earning a minor in Bible from college) it is difficult to see past the programming to the truth for myself. That's a LOT of programming to sift through. I appreciate the questions and comments so much. It is helping a tiny bit.

You are right. I have lost faith in Christians, not entirely in God. I have questioned the definition of God that I've been taught. This omnipotent, fearsome judge of evil, and protector of good isn't exactly that. I was by the definitions given - good - since my only job was working in the ministry at the time this happened, yet this 'protector' allowed me to be judged. I know it's not that entirely but during the trial I was told by more than one person that perhaps this was judgement because I was not walking with God daily. I know it was absurd for them to say and yet I question if it was the truth. When I can't reconcile the too I just feel angry at all involved. I can't leave things as they are though. I have to weed through this. Thanks for hearing me out and helping.

10-18-2005, 03:40 PM	#12 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	I suppose I should add that my mother is still a big part of my life. It is difficult to get away from that. In fact hubby's parents as well as my own are both very religious and want us to be as well. My parents more than his are constantly asking me/us to go to church and I either have to give a reason why not or say that maybe I will. I know supposedly I should be able to just say that I'm not and I have no reason other than I don't want to but my mother begins to preach to me about 'forsaking the assembling or ourselves together', and 'what kind of example am I to my daughter', 'do I want her to grow up godless?' (on this point I want her to choose for herself not be brainwashed and I have no idea how to do this), and so on. Because I was indoctrinated for 27 years (including earning a minor in Bible from college) it is difficult to see past the programming to the truth for myself. That's a LOT of programming to sift through. I appreciate the questions and comments so much. It is helping a tiny bit. You are right. I have lost faith in Christians, not entirely in God. I have questioned the definition of God that I've been taught. This omnipotent, fearsome judge of evil, and protector of good isn't exactly that. I was by the definitions given - good - since my only job was working in the ministry at the time this happened, yet this 'protector' allowed me to be judged. I know it's not that entirely but during the trial I was told by more than one person that perhaps this was judgement because I was not walking with God daily. I know it was absurd for them to say and yet I question if it was the truth. When I can't reconcile the too I just feel angry at all involved. I can't leave things as they are though. I have to weed through this. Thanks for hearing me out and helping. __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma.