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ngdawg · 10-11-2005, 10:57 AM

When I am Queen of the forest...
All porn actresses will have real boobs and untight stomachs and if they do even ONE pouty lip look at the camera, they will be banished to Pittsburgh

Every principal of every school (attendance is voluntary) will be a mom or dad with no less than 2 kids-no college required

Every football game will run in an allotted 2 hours-no exceptions. Fumble or run out of bounds-too bad, clock's still ticking.

Wine and beer will be in every store, next to the milk(Listen UP, NJ and PA)

NASCAR will be a required college course so that pseudo-intellectuals will understand concepts of man vs machine, the thrill of speed, the workings of aerodynamics and physics, the effect of advertising on the american public and to stop calling us 'dumb hicks'.

Screaming in songs will not be allowed. Any band caught doing so will be banished with the porn girls to Pittsburgh, where they can scream all they want.

All movies will be released on DVDs 30 days after theatrical showings. No exceptions. Said DVD's will cost $3

Cars will run on processed corn plants and ragweed. All GM cars made between 1973 and 1990 will be scrapped. Speed limits on all the fabulously newly-smoothed straightened roads will be held to under Mach1.

Bounties on centipedes, spiders and rats will be paid by the ounce.

Any homeowner will pay to their town what they think is fair. Mayors, senators, congressmen, any politician, will be one on a voluntary basis and absorb their own costs.

Jennifer Lopez, the Olsen twins, the Simpson sisters and the Hilton sisters will be banished to Pittsburgh and have to duke it out for supreme rule there with the porn girls.

Comparisons of one against the other for any reason, especially appearance, will be cause for being duct-taped and thrown into a closet for a period not less than 7 days. This also will be enforced when attention is lavished on one person to excess and/or to the exclusion of others present. (this will not include your SO, of course)

Marriage will be a renewable option.

10-11-2005, 10:57 AM	#2 (permalink)
ngdawg peekaboo Location: on the back, bitch	When I am Queen of the forest... All porn actresses will have real boobs and untight stomachs and if they do even ONE pouty lip look at the camera, they will be banished to Pittsburgh Every principal of every school (attendance is voluntary) will be a mom or dad with no less than 2 kids-no college required Every football game will run in an allotted 2 hours-no exceptions. Fumble or run out of bounds-too bad, clock's still ticking. Wine and beer will be in every store, next to the milk(Listen UP, NJ and PA) NASCAR will be a required college course so that pseudo-intellectuals will understand concepts of man vs machine, the thrill of speed, the workings of aerodynamics and physics, the effect of advertising on the american public and to stop calling us 'dumb hicks'. Screaming in songs will not be allowed. Any band caught doing so will be banished with the porn girls to Pittsburgh, where they can scream all they want. All movies will be released on DVDs 30 days after theatrical showings. No exceptions. Said DVD's will cost $3 Cars will run on processed corn plants and ragweed. All GM cars made between 1973 and 1990 will be scrapped. Speed limits on all the fabulously newly-smoothed straightened roads will be held to under Mach1. Bounties on centipedes, spiders and rats will be paid by the ounce. Any homeowner will pay to their town what they think is fair. Mayors, senators, congressmen, any politician, will be one on a voluntary basis and absorb their own costs. Jennifer Lopez, the Olsen twins, the Simpson sisters and the Hilton sisters will be banished to Pittsburgh and have to duke it out for supreme rule there with the porn girls. Comparisons of one against the other for any reason, especially appearance, will be cause for being duct-taped and thrown into a closet for a period not less than 7 days. This also will be enforced when attention is lavished on one person to excess and/or to the exclusion of others present. (this will not include your SO, of course) Marriage will be a renewable option. __________________ Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.