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Yes, you have proven yourself untrustworthy.
For what its worth, have you mentioned these feelings to your wife? If you haven't, you should. I have no doubt whatsoever that she would prefer to hear you speak your feelings to her than inevitably (INEVITABLY) find out the gory details behind your back.
This relationship is in a crisis. Remain on path you are presently on, and there is likely just one possible outcome: the end of the relationship. If you're lucky, there's another possiblility: she finds out, and the 2 of you live together in misery. Communication. Talk to her about it, or go to a marriage counselor, or start preparing for the inevitable.
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