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Hey Tim - Interesting question. As I'm sure you know, there are all sorts of people in the world. Some go to Baskin Robbins and want to try every flavor, and some go and get chocolate every single time and will until the day they die- in other words for some variety is the spice of life and for others it has to be the old tried and true. It's good to know which kind of person you are before you make major life decisions so you can accurately gauge whether or not you'll be able to fulfill the requirements of whatever role you take on, and so you can try to avoid situations that might be a temptation to you in an area in which you know you might have a weakness.
I find monogamy hard - I always have - but I've kept my vows, mostly because I like my life the way it is and I know fooling around would pretty much wreck everything and I don't want to do that because I really do love my family and wouldn't do anything to hurt them.
But yeah, I'm one of those people who like variety - so I know what you're talking about. Like Mr. Honest, I've just weighed the pros and cons and have decided I'm not able to risk everything I have for sex - and honestly- I'm not the type who could just engage in purely recreational sex anyway - it would get emotional and very, very messy. So I just always keep that in mind, and have filled my need for excitement in other ways. I could never pull it off anyway - I'm not a good liar and I feel really, really bad when I hurt someone or do something I know is wrong. It sounds like you do too...
It's good you're thinking of your wife's feelings - and if I were your wife, I'd appreciate you being honest with me at this point. You might just lay it out to her as you have here, and honestly tell her what your intentions were when you married her, and what you have found the reality to be. If I were her, I'd appreciate having the facts so that I could make an informed decision about what I was going to do with the rest of my life- and if she's anything like most women, she could probably forgive you the infidelity - but would have a harder time forgiving an ongoing deception that might make her feel like her whole life with you was a lie.
But whatever direction you decide to take, you should definitely do it before any children are involved. I hope it all works out- good luck to you.
PS- Does anyone know if people are less monogamous these days? That would be an interesting piece of information to have - as well as to ascertain what cultural factors either support or inhibit monogamy now as compared to in the past.
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