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Originally Posted by tim2shady
In a relationship but looking also apply.
I'm 32, male, got married for 1st time last November. Been in short-term relationships all my life, short-term = 2yrs or less.
I'm just wondering if other people who are in relationships find themselves thinking about hooking up with other people. I can't stop. All day, half the night I'm thinking about pursuing someone else. Not sure if its the chase/challenge, grass is greener on the other side, maybe i'm not cut out for a monogomous relationship, or what? I haven't been faithful in my last 3 relationships and not in this marriage either. I love my wife, don't want to hurt her, but unless something changes she doesn't need me messing up her life any worse or causing her pain thru either not treating her w/ respect, her finding out about my infedelity, or otherwise.
Do others have these feelings, but are able to contain them?
Are monogomous relationships "dieing"...b/c I don't see them working for me and alot of others I know?
Perhaps I shouldn't have gotten married in the first place, however I did go into it with the best intentions and hopes for things to work out. I used to think that getting married would "tame" me down and make me happy at the same time, ya know, getting the white picket fence and all.
Signed,
Not proud, looking for feedback
P.S. Bash away (unless funny), but I need serious thoughts.
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"Perhaps I shouldn't have gotten married in the first place, however I did go into it with the best intentions and hopes for things to work out. I used to think that getting married would "tame" me down and make me happy at the same time, ya know, getting the white picket fence and all."
If this is why you got married, you got married for the wrong reasons. I don't think monogamy is 'natural', but it is a choice one has to make on their own. If your choice to marry was to 'tame you down' and get the 'white picket fence', you will never be totally happy in your situation. One of our very wise members has this on their wedding program and I think it holds very true:
"you don't marry the person you can live with, you marry the person you can't live without'.
I do know people who 'fool around' with at least partial knowledge of their SO's because those SO's would rather share than lose entirely. If you are not married to such a person, I think it's time to re-evaluate why you're married and if the inherent risks of stepping out are worth any loss. Do it now before kids, mortgage, the everyday ruts of life overcome you.