I think you know you're being offensive. I certainly hope you are not doing so for the sake of being so.
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Originally Posted by ustwo
Using 'she' may help make 'him' more sympathetic, but I'm sorry HE was a boy.
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That's the really interesting statement that you make. Gender or sex has nothing to do with if we find something to be a tragedy, or have sympathy for a victim of violent crime. It's odd that you would suggest that a female victim of crime would be more sympathetic than a male one. In addition, you do have medical training, iirc, and should know that gender expression at birth is not nearly so clear cut. Many children have incompletely or malformed genitalia, or ones that do not reflect their karyotype. Around 1 in 2000 live births presents with ambigious or mixed sexual anatomy. Nor is it a binary after birth.
Beyond that, use of the proper pronoun is simply a matter of respect. As stated before, her entire family recognized her as Gwen. I have no reason to believe that anyone has a right to revoke such a recognition. And short of that, i think the common and decent thing to do is to address others as they ask to be.
As for the rest. The law, and i think fairly so, states that fraud as to the essential nature of the act can qualify an encounter as sexual assualt. In fact, there's a special subsection to cover the wrong spouse deception you're talking about. CA 261.a.5, fwiw.
But i don't believe that a material deception took place. The essential nature of the act did not involve Gwen's male genitalia. She represented herself as a woman, and by all available accounts, believed herself to be telling the truth in doing so. She offered, and they accepted consensual sex. Beyond this, i don't think i have anything left to say to you.