I know it's always easier to armchair quarterback someone else's parenting, but this is how it would go in our house:
"I can't get my socks on."
I'm sorry. (walk away)
"I can't reach my sock."
I'm sorry. (walk away)
"I can't get them on."
I'm sorry (walk away)
"I'm hungry"
I am too, good thing we're going to Hardy's.
"I want to go inside."
Ok.
"I want to sit up front with you."
No, I'm sorry, but that's not safe. Buckle up hon.
"I did." (she hadn't)
No, you didn't and you are lying. Lying is a bad thing (I would have to think of a consequence here).
"Do I haveta?!"
Yes. And it isn't fun for me to keep asking. Do you think I have fun asking little girls to do things they need to do and have them complain about it? And do you think I will want to take a little girl with me next time that complains?
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The first part is not buying into her problems and making them your problem. We use, "I'm sorry" all the time and it
works. We also say "yes" alot, but make them responsible. Cell phones for instance. When our 11 year old begged for a cell, I said, "sure". Then she just looked at me and said, "I have to pay for it, right?" She had learned. And when she whined and begged, I pointed out that I hadn't said, "no". It was pretty hard to argue with me after that. Sexymama even gave her the option of paying for it instead of school clothes for a year. She picked the clothes and no more cell phone begging.
The second part is making her see it from your perspective. Do
you like it when people whine at you? You can also save what she says for latter. "Momma, when's dinner?" "I wasn't fixing dinner tonight" "Why not??" "Because I don't
wanna!" and turn the tables on her. Then point out the connection if it isn't obvious at this point.
Sexymama
strongly recommends Jim Fay's Love and Logic series of books and tapes which is where she learned this approach. And after seeing how well her kids behave, I'm a believer.
As to control, it
is important even at five to have some control, which is why Jim Fay recommends giving them
choices like we gave our eleven year old re the cell phone.
In the case of your five year old, you could say to her, "I understand you don't want to put on your seat belt. I'll tell you what, next time you can choose whether or not you want to come to Hardy's with me. If you don't want to put on your seat belt, you can stay home."
That way you are giving her choices that are actually not choices in the areas you need to control as her mom.
I hope that helps some and good luck
