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Originally Posted by sexymama
Your child (growing up child, true) still needs your guidance and rules. That is why she is living with you and not some other parent or on her own. Doing what is right is not always doing what is easy. Good luck.
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sexymama: I agree totally with your ideas here.
Bill O'Rights: I am also pleased she asked! I haven't over-looked that either... my main concern is I want to keep this level of communication.
Honestly, I am thinking this is not just a matter of whether she can have a day off school every now and then... it's more that my parenting values don't correspond to the values of other parents. I've taken some time to discuss this with some of the other parents and I'm shocked to see how different these parents are to me. I believe that you should have a good relationship with your children, but I don't believe that treating them like responsible adults (at the age of 12) is the way to do it. We are their parents, we are not their "friends".
I could set limits and let her earn it, but ultimately that is teaching her that she can earn the right to do something wrong. It may not be a big wrong, but it is still wrong. Another factor is that if I allow her to do it because of the pressure that all these other parents allow it, well that's just teaching her that 'everybody' is a victim to peer pressure, you can't fight it.
So, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I want to maintain values that are no longer valued in the community. And basically my daughter cannot comprehend why she has to suffer for my 'old' ideas.
Another aspect that has blown this out is that one of these parents allowed my daughter to drink alcohol with them while she was on a 'sleep-over'... this just gets better and better... I am furious... I have no words...