Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Gilda
One last note.
I talked with Grace and Sissy about this.
Grace is with those who think I should have clocked the guy. It's an old argument with us.
Sissy, who of late has been attending Al-Anon (a support group for adult children of alcoholics) thinks I'm "co-dependant" and Grace is my "enabler". I fail to see how depending upon others for support when they are willing to offer that support is a bad thing, and Grace offering me physical protection is hardly comperable to alcoholism.
|
The bad thing isn't that you depend on a willing source of support, the problem is that you are either unwilling, or emotionally and mentally incapable of acting without that support. If Grace were abducted by aliens tonight and not returned for a month, do you feel that you would be capable of living your life in the same way without her presence, or would you have to make significant changes? There's a difference between accepting support and relying on it.
Quote:
They both think it's strange that I have little trouble controlling 25 middle-schoolers or running a college classroom, but no self-confidence in public places with strangers. The difference seems pretty obvious to me.
As a teacher, I'm granted an automatic measure of authority that isn't present when I'm say, at the mall. I have the power to potentially ruin or make a student's day, a power I don't have in other situations. I have borrowed authority in the form of the principal/department head. That's also not present in everyday situations. There's no way to translate the self-confidence I have in the classroom in either place into other situations.
|
The only authority you have is the power and control that they yield to you. if your middle school class were to turn against you, you would be more utterly powerless to stop them on your own than you would be to stop a lone attacker. The fact that they have been conditioned by society to respect your authority is the only thing keeping you from being harmed by a mob that would rather be doing just about anyhting but sitting through another day of classes. An attacker (and that's what this guy was) does not yield any amount of power or respect to you, and therefore is able to comfortably violate your presonal space and assault you.
Quote:
|
However I still think that for me, the better solution is simply to stay off thier radar than to try to put up a facade of confidence I don't actually feel. You can't hit a target that stays out of range.
|
Considering the fact that you are a petite woman, many attackers would be able to close in on you fairly easily. What you need to do at the very least is not to fight when you can escape the situation, but perpare yourself for a situation in which fighitng may be your only choice. You say that most police officers are killed with their own guns , but civilians who fight back with guns are more than ten times less likely to be harmed than someone who offers no resistance. I don't know where your statistic that most rape victims fight back comes from, but wihtout fighting back you have no chance at all.
I am writing this from the point of view of someone who was picked on and beaten up repeatedly throughout middle school. After the worst incident, more of my left side was bruised from being kicked than was left unharmed. During high school, I earne dthe nickname "the punching bag" because I never fought back. One day, someone jumped on my back, and deciding that I had takne enough abuse, I flipped him over onto his back, knocking the wind out of him. To this day, the confidence I gained by knowing that I am capable of fighting back has helped me to keep my head high, and not once (excluding violent mosh pits) have I been the target of an assault of any kind. Only a few dozen people saw me fight back, yet nobody has touched me since. By developing this confidence, even if you simply take someo'ne hand off of your body and firmly tell them to stop, you can feel that confidence that you do not yet possess. The more often a petite, timid woman fights back in public, the clearer the message will be to predators that their actions will not be tolerated.
I don't want you to be a victim ever again. If we ever meet, I want to see you standing tall and proud, knowing that you do not need help from anyone to live your life without any fear of being a victim. If you can say to someone who tires to grope you, "Don't ever do that again," and take his wrist and move his hand away from you, you will feel the confidence you need, and you'll feel a sense of elation knowing that you can fend for yourself.