Quote:
|
Originally Posted by astrahl
I feel like I need to revive this thread because I am feeling the same way (as the wife).
I waited until three months before the wedding to lose my virginity to my husband. I was raised with the "good girls wait for marriage," shpeal and I totally bought into it. I think, after 6 years of marriage, I have come to realize that the mentality is a form of mental clitorectomy. Make women believe that so there is no comparing after marriage. Make women believe that men want good girls and good girls wait.
Men don't care. I know this now.
So my problem is now - I am very distraught over my decision to not have any sexual experiences with another man. I have been feeling this growing regret the past year or so and it has become more and more pronounced over the past few months. I feel like a very sexual person and I have missed out on one of the greatest human experiences there is.
I do not want to cheat on my husband. Sometimes I just feel like, is this it? Am I going to be 60 and still have this aching regret? That thought tears me apart.
This issue is so very complicated. There are so many facets to the problem - I don't know that anybody here wants to peel through it all. I think part of the feeling comes from a sense of detachment I have from my husband. I don't feel the IN-love feeling I used to have when we were dating. I love him - please understand that I love him, but I feel like a best friend more than a passionate lover.
I have talked with him about my feelings and he is concerned about what it is doing to me. He knows how upset I am about it and even suggested that I go "do it." But how can you do that? I can only imagine the implications down the line. <shudder> I hate the regret that I'm feeling but what can I do? Just suck it up and feel awful about what could have been? "Do it," and deal with the consequences? How would I even go about finding somebody?? I'm totally lost.
I have talked with my mom about how I feel and she agrees that the absolute about waiting for marriage is not right. She is in her 60's, widowed and regrets only knowing one man. I do NOT want to be her. So what do I do? I'm stuck - I'm totally fucking stuck and it brings me to tears.
|
Quiet frankly I think this deserves a thread on it's own.
Your situation is complicated with lots of deep pits, what I can suggest is that you do not go out and pick up a guy and have sex with him. Your husband may have said "do it" but it just wouldn't be fair to him.
I can however recomend that you try and bring up the idea of swinging to him. If you are going to go out and have sexual experiences with other people it's only fair that he get's to do the same. And it might take the edge off the guilt and remorse.
http://www.sexuality.org/mgswing.html <<-- This is a good introduction to swinging, what it is and what it is not, read it through and maybe even talk it over with your husband. Maybe it will work for you or maybe not, you are the best judge of that. This is only a suggestion from my part.
A lot of people in similar situations as yours have been able get their "curiosity" sated by this lifestyle.
I agree that most guys don't want inexperienced women, getting married before getting at least some sexual experience is not a good idea in my book.
Sure the idea of having a virgin in bed may be a huge turnon for some guys but it looses it's allure very fast.
An open mind and knowledge about what guys like and what you need and want in bed is much better in the long run.