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astrahl · 08-12-2005, 10:27 AM

I feel like I need to revive this thread because I am feeling the same way (as the wife).

I waited until three months before the wedding to lose my virginity to my husband. I was raised with the "good girls wait for marriage," shpeal and I totally bought into it. I think, after 6 years of marriage, I have come to realize that the mentality is a form of mental clitorectomy. Make women believe that so there is no comparing after marriage. Make women believe that men want good girls and good girls wait.

Men don't care. I know this now.

So my problem is now - I am very distraught over my decision to not have any sexual experiences with another man. I have been feeling this growing regret the past year or so and it has become more and more pronounced over the past few months. I feel like a very sexual person and I have missed out on one of the greatest human experiences there is.

I do not want to cheat on my husband. Sometimes I just feel like, is this it? Am I going to be 60 and still have this aching regret? That thought tears me apart.

This issue is so very complicated. There are so many facets to the problem - I don't know that anybody here wants to peel through it all. I think part of the feeling comes from a sense of detachment I have from my husband. I don't feel the IN-love feeling I used to have when we were dating. I love him - please understand that I love him, but I feel like a best friend more than a passionate lover.

I have talked with him about my feelings and he is concerned about what it is doing to me. He knows how upset I am about it and even suggested that I go "do it." But how can you do that? I can only imagine the implications down the line. <shudder> I hate the regret that I'm feeling but what can I do? Just suck it up and feel awful about what could have been? "Do it," and deal with the consequences? How would I even go about finding somebody?? I'm totally lost.

I have talked with my mom about how I feel and she agrees that the absolute about waiting for marriage is not right. She is in her 60's, widowed and regrets only knowing one man. I do NOT want to be her. So what do I do? I'm stuck - I'm totally fucking stuck and it brings me to tears.

08-12-2005, 10:27 AM	#47 (permalink)
astrahl Insane Location: You don't want to live here	I feel like I need to revive this thread because I am feeling the same way (as the wife). I waited until three months before the wedding to lose my virginity to my husband. I was raised with the "good girls wait for marriage," shpeal and I totally bought into it. I think, after 6 years of marriage, I have come to realize that the mentality is a form of mental clitorectomy. Make women believe that so there is no comparing after marriage. Make women believe that men want good girls and good girls wait. Men don't care. I know this now. So my problem is now - I am very distraught over my decision to not have any sexual experiences with another man. I have been feeling this growing regret the past year or so and it has become more and more pronounced over the past few months. I feel like a very sexual person and I have missed out on one of the greatest human experiences there is. I do not want to cheat on my husband. Sometimes I just feel like, is this it? Am I going to be 60 and still have this aching regret? That thought tears me apart. This issue is so very complicated. There are so many facets to the problem - I don't know that anybody here wants to peel through it all. I think part of the feeling comes from a sense of detachment I have from my husband. I don't feel the IN-love feeling I used to have when we were dating. I love him - please understand that I love him, but I feel like a best friend more than a passionate lover. I have talked with him about my feelings and he is concerned about what it is doing to me. He knows how upset I am about it and even suggested that I go "do it." But how can you do that? I can only imagine the implications down the line. <shudder> I hate the regret that I'm feeling but what can I do? Just suck it up and feel awful about what could have been? "Do it," and deal with the consequences? How would I even go about finding somebody?? I'm totally lost. I have talked with my mom about how I feel and she agrees that the absolute about waiting for marriage is not right. She is in her 60's, widowed and regrets only knowing one man. I do NOT want to be her. So what do I do? I'm stuck - I'm totally fucking stuck and it brings me to tears. __________________ Maybe it was over when she chucked me out the Rover at full speed. Maybe Maybe... ~a-Ha