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I think you love your wife a lot and I think you've sacrificed some things that're important to you to make her happy. She should do the same. If you're not comffortable with this put your foot down. The last thing your kids need is a mom out having sex with other men and an emotionally burnt out father.
There should be no reason for her to crave attention from other men if you're giving her everything she needs. I think that therapy is needed here. Swinging and open marriages may work for some individuals, but it needs to work for the couple as well.
The most important thing is the well being of your children. And the most important thing to them is having two parents who love one another and share a happy, functional relationship.
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