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Cervantes · 07-19-2005, 03:30 AM

It is quiet obvious that your marriage has reached a critical point, you really need to talk to her about why it makes you so uncofortable and she also needs to explain WHY she want's to have sex with other men. As alexmegami said, shut down all swinging and extramrital activities untill you have managed to resolve this. It is very important that you agree upon a set of ground rules and have a clear idea of what the boundries are. From what I've read in your posts neither of you seem to have made the boundries very clear.
If you take this lifestyle seriously and you wish to continue doing it you need to have a clear idea about what the boundries are and be able to trust your partner not to overstep any of them.

As I have seen with some of my friends who are into swinging, both parties always knows what the other one is doing and with whom. Their consent is crucial here, for a swinging relationship to work both parts must always be comfortable giving consent to what the other part is doing.

Her "affair" with other men is a huge bump, even if it never went as far as cheating. She proved to you that she didn't care for your reservations when it didn't suit her.
One thing I've been facinated with in swinging couples is the level of openness they have for eachother, thy know precisley what boundries and reservations their partners have and they respect them without hassle.

So to bottomline it, don't let her do it untill you are 100% shure that you can let her without feeling betrayed or run over. Jealousy is most definently nothing to play with, it is a very primal reaction that can have severe consequenses. If you are not 100% confident that you can let her be with another man, make sure she knows that if she does she is cheating on you.

07-19-2005, 03:30 AM	#23 (permalink)
Cervantes Psycho Location: Above you	It is quiet obvious that your marriage has reached a critical point, you really need to talk to her about why it makes you so uncofortable and she also needs to explain WHY she want's to have sex with other men. As alexmegami said, shut down all swinging and extramrital activities untill you have managed to resolve this. It is very important that you agree upon a set of ground rules and have a clear idea of what the boundries are. From what I've read in your posts neither of you seem to have made the boundries very clear. If you take this lifestyle seriously and you wish to continue doing it you need to have a clear idea about what the boundries are and be able to trust your partner not to overstep any of them. As I have seen with some of my friends who are into swinging, both parties always knows what the other one is doing and with whom. Their consent is crucial here, for a swinging relationship to work both parts must always be comfortable giving consent to what the other part is doing. Her "affair" with other men is a huge bump, even if it never went as far as cheating. She proved to you that she didn't care for your reservations when it didn't suit her. One thing I've been facinated with in swinging couples is the level of openness they have for eachother, thy know precisley what boundries and reservations their partners have and they respect them without hassle. So to bottomline it, don't let her do it untill you are 100% shure that you can let her without feeling betrayed or run over. Jealousy is most definently nothing to play with, it is a very primal reaction that can have severe consequenses. If you are not 100% confident that you can let her be with another man, make sure she knows that if she does she is cheating on you. __________________ - "Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.." - "Religions take everything that your DNA naturally wants to do to survive and pro-create and makes it wrong." - "There is only one absolute truth and that is that there is only one absolute truth."