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Originally Posted by Anomaly_
It's pretty clear your wife craves chaos. "Swinging" and "open relationships" are just overly kind terms for people who have problems with intimacy and regulating impulses.
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Judgmental often? I don't think any of the people involved in either my marriage or our 'extracurricular' relationships could be characterized as having problems with intimacy or impulse regulation. We've just found that monogamy is not the only or even the best option for us.
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If you aren't married and have no kids, these things are fine. But when kids are involved, it's time to grow up and be a responsible parent. I would go with your instinct about this being a bad idea and probably get some marriage counseling for the sake of the family.
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Since I'm in the married w/o kids category, I can't really reply to this from firsthand experience. However, I think there are at least a few members on this board, and a few people I know firsthand, who would disagree with this.
When handled
responsibly (and that is the key, right there) I see no reason why open relationships shouldn't work, kids or no kids. The problem in this situation is that his wife has not acted responsibly in the past, and he has some reservations about her getting involved with other men without her. Those are both big red-flag dealbreakers in the world of healthy non-monogamy.