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I think your concerns are all valid and she should not act on her desires until she has alleviated ALL of those concerns, to YOUR satisfaction. She is the one who wants something extraordinary, so it is her responsibility to make it possible for you to allow it.
Personally? If I were you I would say NO WAY, not until the kids are out of the house. If this blows up in your face, you do NOT want your children going through a messy divorce, screaming matches, custody battles, and all that crap that comes when people betray each other... and having sex with another man, with you home alone, is a betrayal of your marriage even if you give her permission.
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There's no justice. There's just us.
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