Fett56

I've been dating a girl since about March and I really need advice on things. I've never been in a real relationship before, and I've made some mistakes. Things were going great at first, and I really thought everything was going to work out nicely. There were a few warning signs, that I should have seen but I didn't until now.

She had been in a relationship for about 2 years before she met me, but had been out of it for about 5 months. I knew the guy, and we weren't friends but we had mutual friends and I played soccer soccer with him and we never had any problems. Well as soon as he finds out I'm interested he goes crazy, threatening hes going to kill himself and all sorts of crazy shit. I came close to calling the cops and getting him on a suicide watch or something, because I thought he was serious, but the girl talked me out of it, saying he'd done it before. He also threatened to fight me a number of times, and I just ignored it. (another warning sign i missed)

Things are going good, we go on a few dates and I hang out with her every day for about 2 months. She doesn't want the girlfriend boyfriend thing, but everyone assumes it anyway and I didn't really mind, because it seemed pointless to argue about it when we were together every day and we liked each other.

Suddenly in the middle of may she comes out that she is picking between me and her ex. I had no idea the whole time that she still had feelings for him, but there were some hints. I came really close to just walking away right there, but I didn't because I figured I didn't really have anything to lose. I ignored it and we continued on like we were before.

On the 31st of May I left for new jersey and a West Point seminar, and I'm staying with family here until the 20th. She warned me that things might change after I was gone so long, and I listened but didn't really think much of it. Sometime last week she called me and told me she had kissed him, but that it didn't change anything between the two of us. I have ignored it so far, and we haven't talked about it at all. She has made it clear she has feelings for both of us and doesn't want to hurt either of us. I really don't know what to do in this situation. I would love to stay together and just put him out of the picture, because she is a great girl and I really like her. I'm annoyed she lead me on for so long and then suddenly hit me with the fact that she was making up her mind whether she liked me or her ex better.

Part of me thinks she was using me to make him want her again, but now that he does she still wants to continue things so I don't think that is right. I talk to her everyday still while I'm here, and she wants to continue things when I get back soon. Should I just stick around and see how things work out, or tell her to make up her mind? Ive been thinking about it a lot lately, and it seems like I should decide before I get back. Thanks for any help, I'm new at this.