Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Moving on troubles from a past relationship

maleficent · 06-16-2005, 06:17 PM

Some incedibly disjointed thoughts

It's hard moving on from that first love... the first love is what can shape every relationship we have in the future... It's perfectly OK to remember the good times and to remember him fondly... You shared a lot with him, there's a lot of memories there, you don't have to throw all that away. We never really forget our first loves, and it's fine to think about them from time to time.... as long as it doesn't cripple you and that's all you think about.

You are telling yourself all the right things... that you realize that the person that you were once in love with is no longer there... You're in love with the fantasy. Reality can be a lot better. .

What will be the worst thing that will happen when you see your ex-boyfriend again? You realize that you are different person and don't want him anymore - right? Are you just telling yourself that or do you beleive it? You don't love the person that he is now... Right? Or are you just telling yourself that too... You need to have some conviction with those words... What is the absolute worst thing that will happen?

Take a deep breath and ask yourself that.... try to imagine the worst scenario? What happened? Did Freddie and Jason come at you with chainsaws and such? Did the roof cave in? If the worst thing to happen is that your heart skips a beat and maybe you want to cry... well - that's OK - crying is good for you...

Keeping someone out of your line of sight, doesn't make it easier to move on from them. Sometimes, it's better to face the fear, and realize that the fear is not as bad as you could ever imagine... Seeing him again, saying hello to him, will not reduce you to a giant puddle on the floor.

Now your current boyfriend and your ex-boyfriend are friends. That's a sticky situation, but it's up to them to deal with... Hopefully they aren't the kiss and tell types (but that's just me). I don't think it's completely reasonable for you to ask him not to see his friend, I don't think it's unreasonable for that to not happen in your presence... IF - and the big IF there is if it's because you cannot get along with him.

To keep the ex away from you right now is you avoiding him... Avoiding him doesn't help you move on. I really think you need to face him... Say hello... Face your emotions.. then decide what you want to do

On to the current boyfriend... He was in the right place at the right time... and did a lot of picking up the pieces... What are your feelings for him... If he came along not being that strong shoulder to cry on... would you still want him in your life... He sounds like a great guy -- but great guys (I'm sorry all you great guys out there) doesn't always equate to the great boyfriend for you... Are you with him because you don't want to be alone... or because he adds something to your life... and he makes you happy. I wouldnt want him to be rebound guy - -being the rebound is a sucky position to be in - I've been there...

If you like him and care about his feelings, and want him in your life - not because he takes care of you... but because you are good for each other and each of you add something to each other's life... then don't end it... the fact that you still have some issues about the ex --well - that's normal behavior... don't let it consume you though... When the thoughts of the ex come into your head -- replace it with a thought of the current boyfriend...

Sometimes we want what we can't have... and what's not good for us... Only you know that for sure...

There's an old assignment that people are told to do when someone hurts them -- that is write them a letter (and don't mail it of course ) Write the ex a letter -- Let it all hang out - don't hold back anything -- anything he ever did to hurt you - -the way he treated you -- the way he left you in a parking lot... all of it - -Scream yell whatever you have to -- get it out of your system... Put it in an envelope and seal it -- then destory it...

Now write a letter to your current boyfriend -- figure out how he makes you feel - the good and the bad -- this letter won't be shared with anyone - so really let it all hang out too- kind of free association wriitng -- don't worry about grammar or spelling - just let the words come... once you've done that... you might just have your decision

06-16-2005, 06:17 PM	#13 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	Some incedibly disjointed thoughts It's hard moving on from that first love... the first love is what can shape every relationship we have in the future... It's perfectly OK to remember the good times and to remember him fondly... You shared a lot with him, there's a lot of memories there, you don't have to throw all that away. We never really forget our first loves, and it's fine to think about them from time to time.... as long as it doesn't cripple you and that's all you think about. You are telling yourself all the right things... that you realize that the person that you were once in love with is no longer there... You're in love with the fantasy. Reality can be a lot better. . What will be the worst thing that will happen when you see your ex-boyfriend again? You realize that you are different person and don't want him anymore - right? Are you just telling yourself that or do you beleive it? You don't love the person that he is now... Right? Or are you just telling yourself that too... You need to have some conviction with those words... What is the absolute worst thing that will happen? Take a deep breath and ask yourself that.... try to imagine the worst scenario? What happened? Did Freddie and Jason come at you with chainsaws and such? Did the roof cave in? If the worst thing to happen is that your heart skips a beat and maybe you want to cry... well - that's OK - crying is good for you... Keeping someone out of your line of sight, doesn't make it easier to move on from them. Sometimes, it's better to face the fear, and realize that the fear is not as bad as you could ever imagine... Seeing him again, saying hello to him, will not reduce you to a giant puddle on the floor. Now your current boyfriend and your ex-boyfriend are friends. That's a sticky situation, but it's up to them to deal with... Hopefully they aren't the kiss and tell types (but that's just me). I don't think it's completely reasonable for you to ask him not to see his friend, I don't think it's unreasonable for that to not happen in your presence... IF - and the big IF there is if it's because you cannot get along with him. To keep the ex away from you right now is you avoiding him... Avoiding him doesn't help you move on. I really think you need to face him... Say hello... Face your emotions.. then decide what you want to do On to the current boyfriend... He was in the right place at the right time... and did a lot of picking up the pieces... What are your feelings for him... If he came along not being that strong shoulder to cry on... would you still want him in your life... He sounds like a great guy -- but great guys (I'm sorry all you great guys out there) doesn't always equate to the great boyfriend for you... Are you with him because you don't want to be alone... or because he adds something to your life... and he makes you happy. I wouldnt want him to be rebound guy - -being the rebound is a sucky position to be in - I've been there... If you like him and care about his feelings, and want him in your life - not because he takes care of you... but because you are good for each other and each of you add something to each other's life... then don't end it... the fact that you still have some issues about the ex --well - that's normal behavior... don't let it consume you though... When the thoughts of the ex come into your head -- replace it with a thought of the current boyfriend... Sometimes we want what we can't have... and what's not good for us... Only you know that for sure... There's an old assignment that people are told to do when someone hurts them -- that is write them a letter (and don't mail it of course ) Write the ex a letter -- Let it all hang out - don't hold back anything -- anything he ever did to hurt you - -the way he treated you -- the way he left you in a parking lot... all of it - -Scream yell whatever you have to -- get it out of your system... Put it in an envelope and seal it -- then destory it... Now write a letter to your current boyfriend -- figure out how he makes you feel - the good and the bad -- this letter won't be shared with anyone - so really let it all hang out too- kind of free association wriitng -- don't worry about grammar or spelling - just let the words come... once you've done that... you might just have your decision __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.