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Originally Posted by sweetpea
I'm just trying to understand where ktspktsp was coming from and understand why you are blaming yourself Abaya for 'holding him back' when every other woman i know would totally flip out and say 'no way in hell' in their BF or husband suggested something like camping with another woman.
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Thanks for your candor and concern, Sweetpea.
I think you were right to say that I shouldn't blame myself for my feelings... they were valid, and I had no need to apologize for them (unless I used an angry tone, which I didn't). I also agree with you and your husband, as I said earlier, that this kind of thing would not be cool in any kind of committed relationship, particularly marriage (UNLESS it was an open one). I stand by that.
I also think ktspktsp was right in his earlier post, that my concern was not about his intentions at all, but for my fear of him drifiting emotionally from me especially when we are out of touch this summer (100% incommunicado) and may drift toward someone else. In that situation, camping is just putting oneself in harm's way, as many of you have noticed. So I was not concerned about his intentions/"urges" so much as just what any human being would do in the same situation (lying next to someone of the opposite sex when their SO is distant in every way possible)... including me as a human being, as I know my own weakness too well!
That said, we did have a major miscommunication about the mattress-sharing. When he and I talked (in person) on Sunday, I expressed several times that I was concerned about him sharing a mattress with her, undressing in the same tent, etc. The idea of having two mattresses (inflatable) never came up, so I assumed it was one that they would share... that didn't get clarified until a couple of days ago.
Anyway, I think we've worked towards a resolution. I know that for the 2.5 months I'm gone, I have no choice but to trust him, and that it's actually imperative that I trust him completely in order for us to have anything going when I get back! I actually feel a lot better about us being apart for the summer than I did before this whole discussion occurred... his willingness to listen and change makes it quite clear how much he cares about me. So I feel more confident in general about us! (I don't know why I always need that affirmation, but I do, at least for now.)
EDIT: Just read your last post, Sweetpea... thank you so much for your compliments, kind words, and for "watching out" for us and challenging us both. I appreciate you!!!