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I want to answer this before reading all the responses.
To me, after 11 years of marriage, sex is not the most important thing. I would say understanding, trust, honesty, love, and other things are more important. A sense that you are "in this together" no matter what, help with family matters, help in general. Being able to ask for help and opinions without feeling stupid and without being made to feel that your spouse is not willing to help, with things like the children, to putting together a bookshelf, to painting the house, doing yard work, etc. Or better yet, not having to ask for help when the kids are acting up and things are chaotic, the help is just there. Feeling like family is most important over all else. When all of this does not exist, it is hard to get in the mood for sex.
This is just my opinion.
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"Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles." ~Alex Karras
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