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We work alone
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Another post by the same guy. On a side note, both these stories are made up. He says so later on.
Quote:
Sometimes life isnt as entertaining as youd like it to be. Im not a genious, im just a regular person who goes through some crap once in a while. We all go through crap. The events pretty much dies down here. This is my recolection of the events dat followed:
i been spending the whole night contemplatin things about life, you know, just the meanings, and i realized that you only achive your purpose on life once you lose your viginity
i lost my viginity last night
my gf's locked herself in the bathroom, with a burned cooter and I had to think fast
I thought to myself: what would James Bond do in this situation?
So i played goldeneye for half an hour. I turned down the volume because my sister was sleeping in the other room. I snipered alot of people, and whenever i did i yelled "SNIPERED!"
This didnt help the situation, and was a waste of time. Ok so she stopped crying but was still in the bathroom. This is when I thought, wow i could do something so romantic right now...
I grabbed my ghetto blaster and my parents cd of Brian Adams - Everything I do, and i played it full blast outside the bathroom door where she was locked in her fortress of solitaire. I said open the door I have a suprise baby, and she did.
When she opened the door i walked in and handed her a peice of dry toast and said "I could use some butter, open your legs".
She was pissed and said "shut up, you know that hurt" I said i was sorry (which i wasnt) and said dont worry. At this point my main concern is losing my viginity - i have to lose my viginity. Dad said your not a man untill i lose my viginity.
I made a new offer: 1 yellow controller, 1 expansion pack, 1 rumble pack, and WCW vs NWO world tour for anal sex. At first she said no, but i threw a fit. "whatya mean no? all those times i buy you dairy queen and this is how you repay me? bitch bitch i need to lose my viginity, you know how important this is for me!". I told her i would commit suicide if she doesnt love me.
She said "go ahead"
I looked at her and said "everything i do, i do it for you. your all that i got in this crazy world. This is it for me Alison, this is it ....
ill throw in an ice cream sandwhich and Road Rash 64"
She said ok. I needed a condon, so i used ... whats it called ... Scotch tape, and wrapped that around my peter, and this time for lube i used shampoo (head and shoulders ... or should i say penis and ass). I was thrusting her back and forth like james bond would, and it was a tight fit, Alison wasnt enjoying it as much as I was.
I didnt care.
I lost my viginity.
Thats when the door swung open and my sister saw me banging her softball teammate in the rear.
i pulled out of her and ran after my sister, scotch taped penis and all. I caught up to my sister and kicked her in the back of the knees and it brought her down. I went through my parents wine cabnet and took out a bottle. I then clenched her jaw with my hand and my fingers peirced her cheeks, forcing her mouth to open, and i poured out all the coolers and wine we had. I forced her to drink it, hoping she would get drunk and forget about the whole thing. She coughed some out, i hit her ... never thought getting a 15 year old with diabetes to drink would be so hard.
She passed out.
My peter smelled poop, so i cleaned it with oxyclean. I brushed it with my sisters toothbrush. I was so proud though, i became a man, i lost my viginity. The tape was hard to pull off, because it plucked my penis sideburns, so i left it on. Its still on to this day.
I put ice in a paper bag and shoved it in Alisons pants, and told her to get. She walked real funny, dont know why. Then i went back to work (i work for my own company and basically i surf the net for 30 cents a day, and i have 4 refferals. This is my job. I plan to buy 5 computers and surf them all at the same time. I also am working on my rap career and getting my GED)
She asked for her games and n64 stuff, but I clamped her lips closed with my index finger and thumb, looked at her and said "shhh, nobody knows what your talking about ok, next time get it in writing. If you want n64 games so bad, get your brother to steal them ok?". Then i gave her my sisters asthma inhalers and told her to leave.
I cried that night ... I became a man yo... Then i had a nightmare.
It was about this guy chasing me:
weird dream
Today was the finals of the Softball league game. My sister was sick (hope she doesnt die, like my cousin did when i pushed him down the stairs in a laundrybasket, that would be two deaths on my hands lol) and so well basically...
It was the bottom of the ninth and were down by 1. Alison is up to bat, bases empty. She hits a line drive but when she ran to first she was waddling like a penguin (prob cuz i did her in the ass) and she couldnt run worht crap. I yelled at her, "run you fat pig!". She tried but fell. She was out. Game over.
Coach doesnt want me there, says im too distracting. Says theres no such thing as volunteer coaches, and doesnt know wth im doing there. What does he know?
Prick.
No one understands us. This is why im planning to run away. I saved up 25 dollars and am going to buy a new apartment for me and alison, and we'll get married. I hpoe 25 bucks is enough. Im going to run away tonight. I will take alison, and we'll make it.
Make it on our OWN!
We'll have kids
We'll be a family
I wont be a man anymore
Ill be a father.
Not much happened I guess you could say, but thats life. I have 25 bucks to my name, and im going to show my parents im worth a damn, show em i can make it on my own. I run away tonight. talk to you fools later
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__________________
Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques
Last edited by LoganSnake; 04-21-2005 at 05:31 PM..
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